Sideshow | No probe of plot on K-Fed

Kevin Federline

can relax: TMZ.com says that reports the FBI is investigating a conspiracy to assassinate K-Fed are untrue, although two months ago the LAPD looked into - and quickly dismissed - an alleged threat on the would-be rapper's life.

Meanwhile, the custody dispute between K-Fed and ex-wife Britney Spears continues apace: Yesterday, lawyers for the ex-spouses were in a closed hearing in a Los Angeles court, which TMZ.com says featured a surprise guest: Brit's former bodyguard Tony Barretto. Celeb lawyer Gloria Allred, who reps Tony, yesterday said the bodyguard had filed a declaration with the court that is potentially damaging to Brit, to wit that the mother of Jayden James and Sean Preston is endangering her boys. Allred said Tony, whose declaration alleges "nudity, drug use and safety issues," was not questioned by either side, which means it went "unrefuted and unchallenged." No comment yet from Brit or K-Fed.

In an extraordinary announcement, national icon and warbler extraordinaire

Barry Manilow

tells TMZ.com that he will never - like

ever

- set foot on ABC's daytime gabfest,

The View

, as long as

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

is a cohost.

"I strongly disagree with her views," Barry said of the celebrated conservative foreign policy analyst and aging girlie-girl. "I think she's dangerous and offensive. I will not be on the same stage as her." Gee, Barry, don't be afraid to speak your mind.

Manilow is out stumping for his latest album, Greatest Songs of the Seventies.

Reps from The View have yet to comment.

The sometimes fanciful Brit tabloid the London Sun says that

Britney Spears

has been banned by one of L.A.'s celeb party haunts, the Chateau Marmont hotel, for what angry guests have called "weird" behavior, including one incident in the hotel restaurant when Brit smeared a plate of food on her face.

Oh, what a happy day for

Imelda Marcos

!

The former first lady of the Philippines, who is known for her shoe fetish (she had trillions of pairs in her glory days), has been instructed by her doctors to . . . buy some shoes.

That'd be footwear of the orthopedic type.

The 78-year-old Imelda, whose disgraced husband, Ferdinand Marcos, died in 1989, was admitted to a Manila hospital this weekend after she complained of pain in her knees and difficulty in walking. Her doctors said that while she is remarkably healthy for her age, Marcos does suffer from arthritis, and they recommended she lose weight and buy orthopedic footwear.

Marcos, who left a hospital in suburban Manila yesterday, said she was delighted by the doctor's orders:

"Now I have the justification to have more shoes," she told reporters.

NBC announced that it would buy the full day's ad time Monday on Philadelphia's WIOQ (102.1) and Clear Channel Radio stations in four other cities as it promotes the series

Journeyman

and

Chuck

. Throughout the day, listeners will hear 15- and 30-second spots, hosted by actors

Zach Levi

and

Josh Gomez

. Q102 also will be known as "Chuck-FM." Financial terms of this first-ever "takeover" sponsorship were not disclosed.

If there ever was a doubt that '70s hard rock troubadours

Led Zeppelin

would make a killing with a comeback tour, they've been laid to rest: Almost

20 million

(and counting) fans have tried to obtain tickets for the one reunion gig the band plans to do as part of a tribute concert Nov. 26 at London's O2 Arena. Sadly, the 20,000-seat venue can't quite fit everyone.

Agence France-Presse reports that 80,000 fans per minute have been trying to log on to www.ahmettribute.com to register for tickets - which will be sold by random lottery only.

Robert Plant, Jimmy Page and bassist John Paul Jones last re-formed the band - also for a one-off gig - in '88.

Steve Buscemi

and the estate of the late filmmaker

Luis de la Reguera

, who coproduced the documentary film

Rockets Redglare!

, have settled a lawsuit against the film's distributor,

Michael Broder

of Small Planet Pictures, which accused Broder of failing to promote the film.

The Fort Lauderdale, Fla.-based distributor must turn over the rights to the film to Buscemi et al. and pay $35,000 of their legal fees.

The film, which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in 2003, is about the life of the troubled actor Michael Morra (Animal Factory, Basquiat, Dreamland), who died in 2001 of complications brought on by drug abuse. De la Reguera, who also directed the film, died after a motorcycle crash in August 2006.

That's how millions of citizens seem to have felt Sunday night: The

Ryan Seacrest

-hosted Emmy Awards had the second worst ratings in the history of Western Civilization.

According to preliminary Nielsen figures, the awards show, which aired on Fox, drew 13.1 mil viewers. Last year's broadcast, which NBC aired on Aug. 27, attracted 3 mil more. USA Today says Fox's Emmy broadcast from 1990 holds the record low of 12.3 mil viewers.

Attendees of the Toronto International Film Festival, which wrapped up Saturday, have chosen

Eastern Promises

as the winner of the audience favorite award.

David Cronenberg's second collaboration with Viggo Mortensen, which opened in Philly on Friday, is a tense thriller about the activities of the Russian mob in London.

Jason Reitman's teen pregnancy comedy, Juno, was the runner-up, followed by the Iraq War docu Body of War, codirected by famed TV show host Phil Donahue and Ellen Spiro.

"I want to see fat, sloppy actresses in good parts,"

Pitch Black

star

Radha Mitchell

tells Women's Health (via the N.Y. Post). Rhada said she hates Tinseltown's youth obsession and hang-up on Barbie-doll looks.

Mitchell, who says she doesn't relish the idea of having to stay in shape all the time, did admit, "I'm not comfortable with the idea that one day I'm going to be, like, a saggy old lady onscreen. But I'm getting there."

'Mirror Image' @