Women & Money | Prenup simply makes sense

I know what you're thinking: Prenuptial agreements are so unromantic - a sign of distrust, not love.

Time for a reality check, my friends. First, drawing up a prenuptial agreement together is a sign of incredible trust and financial openness - you're fooling yourself if you think you can achieve true intimacy without it. And at the risk of being a complete wet blanket, I just want to mention that north of 40 percent of marriages end in divorce.

A prenup is doubly important for anyone entering a second marriage, as there may be sizable assets from the previous marriage that you want to retain solely as yours (you can pass them along to any children from that first marriage). And those of you who are living with a partner should get a cohabitation agreement; it's the prenup for couples who aren't officially married.

Some prenup basics:

Before you sit down with lawyers, talk to your spouse about what you want to include in the prenup. There's a lot you can talk through when you're not being billed by the hour.

You each need your own lawyer; you should not be represented by the same attorney. For a straightforward prenup, you might pay $1,500 each.

The prenup needs to be drawn up months before the wedding, not days - it's not something you slap together and sign in the car on the way to the ceremony. A shotgun prenup might not hold up in court.

Be honest. Concealment of any asset or debt can invalidate your prenup.

Everyone involved, including the lawyers, should sign the documents.

If you move to another state, have a local lawyer review the agreement in order to see whether you need to make changes.

Why do couples need to address money issues early on? If you aren't in sync financially, there's little hope of sustaining a happy relationship. Here's what I suggest - whether you're dating, married or remarried:

Hold on to your independence. No matter how long you've been together, keep at least one credit card in your name only. This enables you to maintain your own credit report and score; if you break up or are widowed, that makes it easier to start over.

Watch your property. It's not uncommon for women to enter a relationship with sizable assets of their own. You have every right to retain 100 percent ownership of anything acquired before your marriage.

Consider "for richer or for poorer." Once you wed, you and your spouse are legally responsible for debts accrued during the marriage. Even if your guy seems to have his act together, don't assume. Start by swapping your FICO credit scores (myfico.com). Both of you should have good scores (at least 650), or you could be heading for serious stress.

Use your scores to open a broader conversation about money. What are your views on spending and saving? Do you agree that paying 15 percent interest or more on credit-card debt is stupid? How about bouncing checks or missing bill payments?

Next, move on to your dreams: If you have children, are you on the same page about the cost of education? Do you expect to help out your parents after they retire? Ignore these important talks, and you may end up panicked and with a partner who doesn't respect you. You deserve better.