Sideshow | Maxim disses Sarah Jessica
Anybody could pick Charlize Theron as the Sexiest Woman Alive. But picking the unsexiest one is a lot harder. Or so the folks over at Maxim magazine think. But the boy-o mag didn't shrink from the task. The unfortunate winner is . . . Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker. Carrie Bradshaw, Parker's character, is supposed to be a man magnet and a fashion standout, but Maxim uncharitably labels her "Barbaro-faced," which some might consider a slur on the late, lamented local equine hero.
Anybody could pick
Charlize Theron
as the Sexiest Woman Alive. But picking the unsexiest one is a lot harder. Or so the folks over at Maxim magazine think. But the boy-o mag didn't shrink from the task.
The unfortunate winner is . . .
Sex and the City
star
Sarah Jessica Parker
. Carrie Bradshaw, Parker's character, is supposed to be a man magnet and a fashion standout, but Maxim uncharitably labels her
"Barbaro
-faced," which some might consider a slur on the late, lamented local equine hero.
Other Maxim losers include "Rehab" singer
Amy Winehouse
("openly hemorrhaging translucent skin"),
Sandra Oh
of
Grey's Anatomy
("Dr. McSkinny, with her cold bedside manner and boyish figure"),
Madonna
("a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull"). And poor, paparazzi-plagued
Britney Spears
("two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and about 23 pounds of Funyun pudge").
Nothing to horse-laugh at.
Why you should never divorce a Beatle
In an emotional outburst on British TV,
Heather Mills
claimed she had "had worse press than a pedophile" since splitting with
Paul McCartney
. Her rough treatment in the media, she maintained, has driven her to the brink of suicide.
"They've called me a whore, a gold digger, a fantasist, a liar, the most unbelievably hurtful things, and I've stayed quiet for my daughter, but we've had death threats, I've been close to suicide," said, the former contestant on
Dancing With the Stars
.
Mills, 39, an activist who has campaigned against land mines and fur, broke down in tears during the interview.
"I'm so upset about this. . . . I've done nothing but charity for 20 years," she said.
Mills and the former Beatle separated in May 2006 after four years of marriage and one daughter,
Beatrice
, who just turned 4.
Don't complain about your press coverage, Missy, until you've walked a mile in
Yoko
's slippers.
Spicy food doesn't agree with him
Sheriff's officials are investigating
Pierce Brosnan
's role in an assault in Malibu, Calif., last week.
Steve Whitmore
, a spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department, said the incident allegedly occurred outside a Mexican restaurant Friday night.
According to witnesses, Brosnan was having an early dinner with his young son at Casa Escobar. As they left the eatery, they were approached by photographer
Robert Rosen
, who works for gossip factory TMZ. Rosen began firing off shots from close range while keeping up a running patter about how much he enjoyed Brosnan's film work as James Bond. After testy words were exchanged, the 54-year- old actor allegedly struck the shutterbug.
Maybe he prefers to be remembered for
Remington Steele
.
'I hear you have a twin . . .'
This gets our vote for oddest celebrity couple of the week:
Ashley Olsen
was spotted getting all hot and bothered with Tour de France cycling champ
Lance Armstrong
.
Must be chemistry, because we can't think what the 36-year-old athlete and the 21-year-old child star might have in common.
A source from the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel told the New York gossip column PageSix.com that "they came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m."
Wait until
Mary Kate
hears this!
That's no plagiarist, that's my wife
Jerry Seinfeld
has taken time from his round-the-clock promotion of
Bee Movie
to defend his wife. As you may be aware,
Jessica Seinfeld
has been taking heat because her new cookbook
Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food
, which she recently flogged on
Oprah
, bears more than a passing resemblance to the previously published
The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids' Favorite Meals
by
Missy Chase Lapine
.
The theme for both is how to hide vegetables in comfort foods and desserts so kids will eat them. When people started accusing the Missus of having swiped the idea, it was Seinfeld to the rescue.
"So there's another woman who had another cookbook - and it was a similar kind of thing, with the food and the vegetables in the food - and my wife never saw the book, read the book, used the book," the comedian said during his appearance on CBS's
Late Show With David Letterman
.
"But the books came out at the same time. So this woman says, 'I sense this could be my wacko moment.' So she comes out . . . and she accuses my wife. She says, 'You stole my mushed-up carrots. You can't put mushed-up carrots in a casserole. I put mushed-up carrots in a casserole. It's vegetable plagiarism,' " Seinfeld said.
"I love the term 'plagiarism' for this little event," he said. "Because it used to be you had to really take a theme from a major novel, some sort of literary narrative. Now, you're in your kitchen making brownies, you sneak a little spinach in there, your name's dragged through the mud."
Does it strike you he's protesting a little too heatedly? We can't imagine
Henny Youngman
's getting this huffy about his wife.
Don Vito guilty
The pride of Concordville - reality-TV star
Vincent "Don Vito" Margera
- fell to the floor and yelled "just kill me now" in a Colorado courtoom yesterday after a jury delivered a split verdict of guilty on two counts of sexual assault on a child.
MTV News reports that the 51-year-old uncle of
Viva La Bam
star
Bam Margera
had been accused of groping three girls - one 14-year-old and two 12-year-olds - at an autograph signing at a mall in August 2006 during which they lined up to have their photos taken with the former car painter. Three witnesses testified that they had seen Margera touching the girls inappropriately, but the defense said Margera had been in character at the event. Prosecutor
Jim Stanley
countered that Margera was "so intoxicated that he peed his pants while with these children."
Although Margera was acquitted on a third count of sexual assault on a child, the two felony convictions could land him from two to six years and up to life in prison when he is sentenced Dec. 20.