Tattle | 2007: Top celeb moments and a great sex toy

I'm not going to waste your time or mine listing all the outrageous things that

Britney Spears

did this year. Any one of a dozen incidents would land the pop tart on this list. But the moment that stands out for me was the court decision that granted custody of her children to her ex-husband

Kevin Federline

. How screwed up do you have to be to lose your children to a man who has no job, no other means of support and no prospect of future earnings because of a lack of talent?

2. JACK BAUER JAILED; CHINESE CLEARED: Unlike his character on the hit TV series "24," who was tortured and imprisoned by the Chinese for two years, actor Kiefer Sutherland spent time in an American slammer this year stemming from a drunken driving arrest. The irony of this situation - beyond the jail irony, of course - is that Sutherland suffered unnecessarily when he tried to do the right thing. He asked for extra jail time in exchange for being able to select the exact time he would serve his sentence. He did this so that his show would continue uninterrupted and the cast and crew of 200 would not lose their jobs when production shut down. What Kiefer couldn't have predicted was that the strike by the Writers Guild of America would shut down production anyway.

3. PARIS HILTON LEARNS THAT A CELL IS NOT ALWAYS A PHONE: OK, it wasn't death row. It wasn't a Georgia chain gang. And it wasn't breaking rocks in the hot sun. But it was jail time, and it seems to have had an impact on the hotel heiress. After her incarceration, she finally woke up to the realization that she comes from old money, and that makes her eligible for a professional driver to take her from one trendy Hollywood nightclub to another. Personally, I believe that she deserved jail time for forgetting that fact in the first place.

4. SWINE WATCHDOG GROUP DEMANDS APOLOGY: In an era of extreme political correctness, for every person insulted, there is an overly sensitive organization dedicated to protecting their hurt feelings. So why should animals be any different? After Alec Baldwin shocked the nation with a leaked telephone message, in which he called his young daughter a pig, a porker-rights group came down hard on the actor. At least that's what we heard.

5. BOB BARKER DOESN'T COME ON DOWN: After several centuries as host of "The Price is Right," the silver-haired, silver-tongued Barker announced that he was leaving the show. He was replaced by comic Drew Carey. We're not saying that Barker was on that show for a long time, but there are rumors that Thomas Jefferson once played Plinko on the program and won "A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!"

6. BADA BING GOES BACK TO BEING JUST A JERSEY EXPRESSION: Long before there was an HBO, people from New Jersey were using the expression "bada bing" to complete their thoughts. All that changed with the popularity of the HBO series "The Sopranos." Mob boss Tony Soprano owned a strip club called the Bada Bing, and a whole new generation got the wrong idea. Now that the series has gone dramatically off the air, Jersey people can once again feel comfortable using bada bing in a sentence without someone assuming they're talking about strippers.

7. A SEX TOY FOR THE AGES: The best part of my job is that I often see movies long before their release. As a result, movies are not ruined for me by incessant trailers, commercials and spoiler reviews by inconsiderate critics. A most pleasant surprise for me this year was the film "Lars and the Real Girl." As it started to unfold, I thought it was the dumbest movie concept ever. I remember thinking: "They're not going there, are they?" Indeed, they went there and beyond. The movie got smarter and smarter and became one of the most entertaining movies of the year.

8. KIDS DO THE DARNDEST THINGS: Nothing irks the folks at Disney more than when of their young stars has a naked video circulating on the Internet. But that is what happened to Vanessa Hudgens, one of the stars of the highly profitable "High School Musical." Nickelodeon had a similar problem, only worse, when Jamie Lynn Spears, the star of the channel's hit show "Zoey 101," announced to a gossip magazine that she was 12 weeks pregnant. Ooops.

9. DADDY DEAREST: David Hasselhoff, former "Baywatch" star and the most popular singer in the Fatherland, was humiliated when his daughter shot an embarrassing video of him eating a hamburger and trying to finish a sentence while falling-down drunk.

10. BEND IT LIKE OVERBLOWN HYPE: David Beckham came to America to conquer our indifference toward soccer. It didn't work. *