Steve and Mia: Tarts and vicars and partying, oh my!

Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. If you'd like an answer to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M c/o Daily News, Box 7788, Philadelphia, PA 19101.

Q: A few days ago, my husband and I received an invitation to a "tarts and vicars" party. We are very close to the couple who invited us. They attend all of our parties and are very generous to our children. I know we should go, but I have reservations. I'm not sure what to expect. We are all in our mid-to-late 40s, and I haven't worn provocative clothing in a long time. Can you tell me what kind of party this is? I don't want to ask them, because I don't want to appear naive.

Steve:Tarts and vicars? That has to be a tea party with clergymen featuring fruit pastry, no? What else could it possibly be, right Mia?

Mia: Haven't you seen "Bridget Jones' Diary"? It means the men dress like clergymen and the women wear lingerie. But I guess you could both wear vicar costumes. You shouldn't wear anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Q: I'm a 27-year-old man involved in a relationship with a 30-year-old woman that appears to be heading toward marriage. She has had partners in the past and, while I have too, hers is the first sexual relationship I've had. Recently she said that she feels like inviting one of her ex-lovers over to our future home because she is so happy (we're planning to live on my grandparents' farm). She was with this guy while she was studying abroad in the Czech Republic, and I don't know much about him. I don't ask too many questions about past relationships because quite frankly, I don't want to know (at least the intimate details). I'm not against women having male friends, though ex-lovers I may be a little more reserved about. My question is: Do I have a right to be bothered that she would bring someone back into her life from afar? And would I be right to expect that this ex-lover should not be allowed to stay in the same house with us?

Mia: Unfortunately, there are two schools of thought on this issue. I'm firmly in the "we broke up and now you're invisible camp," so I think socializing with exes is weird. But I know lots of people who see it as totally normal. I wouldn't pull a jealous boyfriend on her. Tell her it's fine if she wants to invite him for a short visit, but that he may get jealous viewing such a happy couple. She will be touched if you display a little insecurity, but not too much.

Steve: I wouldn't be too worried about it, but you should have a good talk with her about this guy to make sure there are no unresolved feelings. You also need to find out how long he plans to stay. A few days should be OK.

Q: My friend says she is always aroused. I am trying to to keep it decent so you can print this in the paper, but she is always secreting. Is this normal? She is very concerned about this. She is a very good friend of mine and I'd like to help her.

Steve: I'm tempted to make a dumb joke here, but your friend's problem, "persistent sexual arousal syndrome," is nothing to laugh at. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing. The condition is rare and sometimes can be caused by medications. Your friend needs to see a gynecologist immediately.

Mia: That just sounds like the plot of a porn flick. Take Steve's advice - see a doctor. *