Ask Amy: Aid daughter despite standoffish boyfriend

Dear Amy:

My 21-year-old daughter is living with a 45-year-old man.

She graduated from college early and was so driven until she met him.

She moved out of our house because we didn't agree with this relationship. We wanted to meet and talk to this man, but he said he would not let us control him and that he would decide when it was time to meet.

That was six months ago. She had never really had a boyfriend before. They met when she joined a women's sports team that he coaches.

I know she is an adult, but she gave up so much for this guy. I have gone to see her games, but he never talks to me or looks at me. She says he is nice, but he let her sit at a job interview for three hours because he wanted to rotate the tires on his truck. She does not have a car. She said he would cosign a loan for her, but it hasn't happened.

I talk to her every once in a while, but she has not been home since she left because he won't bring her here. We live about 40 minutes away.

Do I just have to sit and wait this out? We had always been a close family, but now she ignores her dad and me.

Dear Helpless:

Do not sit and wait this out. You should do everything possible to maintain contact with your daughter.

Even though you don't approve of this relationship, you and your husband should still be active parents, encouraging her to find employment and helping her with transportation. You should offer to cosign a loan for her so she will have a car; otherwise, it is going to be difficult for her to get and maintain a job, friendships and her relationship with you. Offer to pick her up if she's interested in visiting.

Please try to keep your daughter connected.