OK, raise your hand if you understood the

Lost

finale. Thought so.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the two-hour season capper. It was full of suspense and surprising moments of heroism.

But it also left me as baffled as the

Sex and the City

gals at a monster truck rally.

Ben (Michael Emerson) crawls down a tunnel on this tropical island and ends up in a permafrosted Arctic chamber?

Karma conspires to appoint Locke (Terry O'Quinn) the leader of the

Lost

boys (and girls). "Welcome home," says Richard (Nestor Carbonell) reverently. But three years later, back in Los Angeles, Locke is laid out in a Skid Row mortuary after committing suicide?

But what really threw me was the big cover-up in which all the escapees from the island agree to lie about their experience. Jack says it's to protect those left behind. But as I understood it, the whole plot was to capture Ben and he's now off the island. So why would the other castaways be in danger?

And Jack (Matthew Fox) gets Penny (Sonya Walger) to drop the Oceanic Six in a raft thousands of miles away to throw off searchers. Why? Dude, you couldn't locate the island and you were hovering above it in a helicopter. What makes you think someone with a GPS will stumble across it?

I'm beginning to think

Lost

is a description of the viewers, not the show's castaways.

License to bore.

Former Bond girl Denise Richards is so lovely, I could watch her waiting in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Wait, that was actually the premise in the debut of her E! reality show,

Denise Richards: It's Complicated

.

At least Richards had a novel approach to dealing with bureaucracy. When the clerk told her that her form needed a judge's signature, she asked to see the supervisor. And when he gave her the same response, she asked to see

his

supervisor. She just kept going up the ladder until I half-expected to see Gov. Schwarzenegger walk up to the counter.

Still, the title is misleading. It should be

Denise Richards: It's Tedious

.

Demonic possession.

The seventh-season finale of

According to Jim

featured James Lipton as the devil, come to collect on a deal he made with Jim (Jim Belushi) long ago.

Lipton as Lucifer? That's brilliant casting. I rather doubt that Bravo's

eminence grise

required makeup.

The scary part of this item is that

According to Jim

has been around for seven years. And it's coming back next season. Satan must surely be involved.

Where's the moose?

I know this is morbid, but now that

Men in Trees

has been canceled, I'm suddenly fascinated with the final few episodes that ABC is clearing off the shelves. (Maybe it's a commitment issue, but I've always been drawn to dead shows walking.)

As I watch, it occurs to me: The Alaska setting, the radio station, the bar filled with quirky locals - this is the female fantasy version of

Northern Exposure

.

Viral fame.

One of my favorite groups, Weezer, has created a YouTube sensation with its new video, "Pork and Beans."

That's fitting, since the clip is stocked with a host of YouTube's weirder stars. The Numa Numa guy? Chris Crocker, who implored us to "leave Britney alone"? The Mentos and Diet Coke "scientists"? The geography-addled Miss USA contestant from South Carolina? They're all in here.

Check it out:

Contact staff writer David Hiltbrand at dhiltbrand@ phillynews.com or 215-854-4552. Read his recent work at http://www.philly.com/inquirer/

columnists/david_hiltbrand.