Ask Amy: Tell people 'retarded' is offensive

Dear Amy:

My family is not sure what to say to people who routinely use the words

retard

or

retarded

to mean someone or something is stupid. The term is offensive and ignorant, especially to those who have people they care about with Down syndrome.

My children frequently come across other children using this term and, worse, it's often the parents who are teaching them this through their own misuse of the word. At times my children will tell their friends that we don't say that in our home and that we prefer that they don't either. But how do we handle it when we hear it come from the adults?

We have a family member with Down syndrome who happens to be the greatest blessing and is by no means stupid. If people think in terms of replacing

retarded

with any other term based on ethnicity, sex, body size, race, etc., they may view using it differently.

Dear Stumped:

I have noticed an uptick in the use of this word lately - which is thrown about, usually jokingly - and which I agree is insensitive and offensive. I trace some of this back to a

Saturday Night Live

skit that seemed to put this word back in play.

You don't have to have a family member with Down syndrome to ban the use of this offensive word in your home, and you shouldn't have to explain the context when telling people that you find this word objectionable.

I like what your children say when other kids use this word, and think you could take a cue from them when dealing with adults. You can say, "I really object to the use of that word and I wish you wouldn't say it in front of me."