Ask Amy: Tell roommate someone's been in his bed

Dear Amy:

I have been living with the same two roommates since college, going on four years now. "Larry" is neat and organized, and "Steven" is messy and gross at times.

Recently I have noticed that Steven has been sleeping in Larry's bed when Larry's not at home.

When I asked him why, Steven said he does it because he enjoys it and doesn't think it's a big deal.

Should I tell Larry what is going on? Or should I let him find out for himself?

I don't want either of them to be upset with me.

Dear Stuck:

"Steven" needs to be told that sleeping in "Larry's" bed is an extreme violation of his privacy, not to mention gross. Actually, go ahead and mention that it's gross.

This behavior puts you in the terrible position of keeping a secret, and friends aren't supposed to do that to one another.

Tell Steven, "Look pal, if this arrangement is OK with Larry, then - whatever. But you really need to ask him before you snuggle with his fresh sheets. If you don't, I'm going to have to tell him - just as I'd expect you to tell him if I were doing something bizarre and completely out of bounds."

You might want to monitor your own bed.

Dear Amy:

I live in a very affluent community where many stay-at-home moms have full-time help. Many have 60-plus hours of help, and their children are older than 3 and attend school either half the day or all day.

I have three kids under 5 and have no help. My kids' activity level is not compromised by the fact that I am doing it by myself. I cart three kids to the beach, the pool, tennis classes, preschool, playgrounds and play dates.

The baby still manages to get her naps in (oftentimes fully reclined in the stroller), and my 3-year-old loves being on the go.

I think it is wise to get some relief if finances allow for it, but the amount of help these women have seems excessive.

My aunt recently asked me, "What do all these women do with their free time?" I told her that I presume that it is rude to ask.

Do you think it is rude to ask?

Will you poll your readers and ask these moms what they do all day?

Dear Perplexed:

I sense a smugness in your letter, but I hope you'll remember that there would be a lot of working moms out there for whom your life is pretty cushy, as you seem to have the time and the means to fill your days by taking your kids to the beach, tennis lessons and the like.

All the same, I applaud your choice to raise your kids.

It is rude to ask these moms, "What do you do all day?" But it is not rude to ask, "What are your interests and how do you enjoy spending your time?"