Ask Amy: Babysitter antics? You must report

Dear Amy:

Last week I walked into my room and found my cousin on my bed, making out with the babysitter, who is four years older than he.

I politely excused myself and went to the living room.

I don't know what I should do or say to them. My parents really like this babysitter, and I'm afraid of what my cousin would do if I told on him.

He might tell on me for a similar incident between his friend's sister and me.

Please help me!

Dear Confused:

You don't say how old you or the rest of this

American Pie

cast are, but you have to tell your folks.

On the one hand, it's quite simple: If the babysitter is making out with your cousin, then she isn't doing her job, which is to watch over the household's young children. This is potentially disastrous.

On the other hand, there's another scenario, also very serious. If your babysitter is older than 18 and your cousin is younger than 18, she could be on the verge of committing a serious crime, depending on what they were doing and what state you live in.

This absolutely needs to stop. Tell your parents, and face the consequences.

Dear Amy: I am married to a man who is compelled to always pick up the tab when we are dining out with others.

The folks we dine with are financially on the same level or even better off than we are, so it's not a matter of their not being able to afford their share of the bill.

We have all the same bills as everyone else, perhaps maybe more, as we maintain two households.

There are also times when my husband dines with an out-of-town relative, who is in town on business on an expense account. My husband picks up the tab, and the relative charges the company for a meal he or she didn't pay for. (I learn of these when the credit card bill arrives.)

I have adamantly encouraged my husband to put up only our share of the bill and pass the bill on.

In discussions with girlfriends, this also seems to be an issue with their husbands. How do we stop springing for everyone's meals?

Any suggestions?

Dear Tired:

I once read a Woody Allen quote in which he said the only reasons he wanted to make money were to afford a nice apartment and to pick up the tab at dinner.

For some people, picking up the tab is the symbol that they have made it in life, that they have done well enough to be generous.

If your husband is paying for a dinner that is also billed on someone's business expense account, then there are shenanigans going on that are the responsibility of whoever he is dining with.

If your friends are also married to men who always pick up the tab, presumably if you dined together the husbands would choose the civilized route and trade off paying, in which case this would even itself out over time (as I believe these things tend to do).

Unless your husband is show-offy about it or using his money as leverage over people, I think you should celebrate his impulse but remind him that, as good as it feels to be generous, it is also important to let others enjoy the same feeling. That, too, is an act of generosity.