Good Lords! Ex-porn star bares none

When famed indie director Kevin Smith called Traci Lords with a part in his new movie, her interest was piqued.

The thing is, she had a little problem - actually, a 10-pound one.

"My son Gunnar, now 1, was 2 months old," said Lords, from her home in Los Angeles. "I had the baby on one breast, the phone on the other."

Another sticky issue was the title: "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" (a comedy about two broke friends - Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks - who do just that).

"It rocked me a bit," she said. "I thought it was just another person commenting on my past."

Oh, yeah, her "past." For the G crowd, we'll be brief: After faking a driver's license, the Ohio runaway signed up with an adult-film company.

She made her first porno at 15, going on to appear in roughly 100 films (only one, "Traci, I Love You," in which she was of age, is legal to see in the United States).

By 1986, the con was up; an arrest followed. But Lords didn't go gently into obscurity, smartly taking acting classes and landing respectable roles in John Waters' "Cry Baby," with Johnny Depp, nighttime soap "Melrose Place" and cameos in "Will & Grace," "Serial Mom" and "Roseanne."

At 40, she's ready to poke some fun at her underage porn-queen image.

"That was two decades ago," said Lords, who is married to iron-worker Jeff Lee. "I did some stupid stuff as a kid, but it's so much water under the bridge."

Of the "Zack and Miri" role as randy cougar Bubbles: "It was too juicy to pass up."

There was only one concession: no topless shots. "I told Kevin, 'I'm lactating,' " she said. "I really can't go there."

Gunnar joined the Pittsburgh set.

"There was me, glittery Mommy, walking around pushing the carriage in stilettos," she said, laughing. "There was no sleep involved. I was a walking zombie and all barfed on; I had that Mommy mushy brain."

Being a new mother had its perks.

"My breasts were truly magnificent," she said. "I was like, 'Can I keep these?' "

Lords took off the baby weight with Pilates and cardio.

"The costumes on 'Zack' were very, very tight and very sexy," she recalled. "The idea of a camera aimed at my body was really good encouragement for me not to have any unsightly bulges."

Lords' next movie is another mainstreamer - "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," based on Tucker Max's New York Times best-seller about a real-life, alcohol-fueled road trip, starring "Flags of our Fathers" hottie Jesse Bradford.

Lords is bittersweet about embracing the ride.

"It's so funny that now I'm a mom, that all these doors are opening," she said. "I don't believe you can have it all - you'd be lucky to have little bits of everything." *