Ask Amy: Hairdresser was out of line

Dear Amy:

I have had the same hairdresser for five years. We have always had a comfortable and friendly stylist/customer relationship, until recently. I told him I could not lay my head back in the washing bowl because I had just had neck surgery.

He asked whether I had received pain medication, and I told him what the doctor had given me but said I rarely take them.

He then asked if he could have a few of my pills. I was shocked. I replied, "No! That would be very irresponsible." My daughter was addicted to pain medication after treatment for cancer, and the results were devastating.

I think I may have made him nervous or something because I got the only bad haircut I ever had from him.

Now I feel bad because I think he feels uncomfortable about this.

The guy is a responsible family man; he is not an addict but may be a recreational drug user.

Should I write him a letter telling him that I have no judgments or bad feeling about this, or should I just go away and let him forget about it?

Dear Confused:

Let's assume that this person wasn't joking with you - and review what happened. Your hairdresser is drug-seeking and gives you a poor haircut after you won't give him painkillers. Now you feel terrible because you fear he might be uncomfortable?

You probably don't really know whether your hairdresser is an addict or a "responsible family man," but I say go ahead and judge him - on the only standard that should matter to you, which is his ability to behave professionally while giving you a good haircut.

Your hairdresser has failed on both counts, so you should find someone else to cut your hair.

Dear Amy: I have five sisters. Ever since the death of my parents more than 15 years ago, I have been estranged from three of them. They never call or visit. At first I tried my best to visit, call and include them in my life. It was never appreciated, but if any of them needed financial help it was the only time I ever heard from them.

My brothers and two other sisters say these sisters are jealous over the fact that I am in a happy marriage and financially secure. We all make about the same money; they have just never learned to live within their means. Evidently they were upset that I said I could no longer "lend" them any more money.

Should I write them off or continue to make overtures?

Dear Chris:

You don't say how your other siblings relate to these three sisters, but if you are the only person in the family on the outs, you should continue to examine your own behavior to see if there is anything you should be doing differently.

You don't need to completely write off these sisters. But if they never reciprocate, you should dial down your expectations about any relationship they are capable of having and tell yourself that at least you all have plenty of siblings left.