Chick Wit: Risqué business on the highway

I was driving along the highway the other day and saw a sign that was even weirder than Fish Pedicures. It was one of those signs naming the group or business that has "adopted" the highway, which I guess means they pay to maintain it, but that doesn't matter for this story. What matters is I was driving on a highway adopted by Club Risqué.

I suspected immediately that Club Risqué was not a book club.

When I got home, I plugged Club Risqué into Google and learned that Club Risqué is a "gentleman's club," which is a euphemism for a strip club.

"Gentlemen" is a euphemism for "horndog."

On the Club Risqué Web page, there are pictures of women in black thongs, platform shoes, and of course, their birthday suit. In one of the pictures, the women are hugging and kissing.

Maybe they're just good friends.

In any event, it does pose the question - how do we feel about strip clubs adopting our highways?

Surely we can find better parents.

I think even OctoMom would be a better parent, though she might have her hands full with the side streets.

Generally, I see the names of insurance companies, car dealerships, and Boy Scout troops on those highway adoption signs. In other words, a normal business. Do we feel better when a normal business maintains our highways? Or do we prefer a risqué business?

Maybe it's not strange to have all the asphalt cleaned by naked dancing. We sure do need to maintain our highways. So I guess we should hope that more and more gentlemen go to strip clubs, and more and more women strip for money. That way, we could have clean highways all over the place. It would be like the New Deal, only with pornography.

Fun!

And why stop at strip clubs? All manner of vice generates money, and we should be more open-minded in our transportation financing. If so, we can look forward to a Heroin Highway. Ecstasy Expressway. Freebasing Freeway. Oxy Overpass.

I could go on. So could you. Play along at home, won't you?

FYI, the Club Risqué Web site says that it used to be known as Dangerous Curves. Good move, changing the name. Dangerous Curves is not a good name for a highway.

Now that I think about it, I might be in favor of a strip club adopting a highway. Their money is as good as anybody else's, and we don't make value judgments about where cash comes from these days, when our biggest growth industry is casino gambling. Every time I open the newspaper, somebody's arguing in favor of building a new casino somewhere. We have casinos at the beach and in the suburbs, and when we run out of land to gamble on, we move to boats and barges. I bet if we ever colonize the moon, right after we plant the American flag, we build the first lunar casino. And then we use the flag for pole dancing.

Flagpole dancing!

Gentlemen would love that!

Just for fun, I went to the Club Risqué Web page for employment opportunities, which advertises jobs for "couch and table dancing." Good news, in these troubled economic times. I would apply right away if my couch or table danced. Instead, my furniture just sits there, slacking off.

My couch is a couch potato.

The Web site also advertises "champagne courts," though I have no idea what that is. I've been in federal court and state court, but that's not the same thing. I'm guessing there's no law in champagne court, although I bet there's a lawyer or two.

Or 75.

You'll be happy to know that Club Risqué also needs Shot Girls. I hadn't realized that pouring liquor into a shot glass required special skills, but maybe it does. Those glasses are really, really small, and the clubs are really, really dark. You could spill if you're not careful. So it's good to know that there are plenty of jobs available for skilled women these days. We may not be able to become president of the United States, but we can still pour drinks. For men. Nude.

Whew!

Finally, the Web site posted jobs for "entertainers" and specified that there was "no funny money."

Maybe that's what Club Risqué used for the highway. Funny money.

Same as Congress.