Ask Amy: Losing baby changed her boyfriend

Dear Amy:

I'm 22 years old and ready to settle down. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We've been through a lot during our time together. I got pregnant, and then we lost the baby when I was seven months along. Ever since I lost the baby, everything seems different. I think the love my boyfriend had for me when I was pregnant just isn't there anymore. I'm not sure how to save our relationship.

Dear Crybaby: You're right - you have been through a lot in the relatively short year you and your guy have been together. You got pregnant early on in the relationship and then suffered what must be an extremely painful loss.

Contact the physician or hospital that treated you through your miscarriage to find out if there is a grief group you could join. Losing a late-term baby is traumatic, and you would benefit from ongoing support from others who have also experienced this sort of loss.

Your boyfriend might be grieving, confused and sorrowful. He might be afraid to upset you by bringing this up - or his feelings for you might have changed. If you don't come together in an intimate way to express your honest emotions, your relationship will suffer.

I hope you won't focus too much on "settling down." You should give yourself - and him - the time and space to heal before you leap into the next phase.