Ask Amy: Wed 13 years, now so far apart

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for 13 years, and we no longer have anything in common. We have grown so many miles apart that I am no longer interested in being intimate with him.

I spend most of my time resenting him and wanting out of this farce of a marriage. We have three children, ages 5 to 11.

Even the children don't get along with their father.

He is a very selfish, reclusive, and angry person. Sometimes I wonder if I stay with him just because he is the breadwinner in the family - I am a full-time student - or if it's to avoid the ugliness of divorce and custody battles.

I don't think I love him anymore. My kids wish he were more like the other dads they see at school. Should we stay in this, or should I consider ending it?

Please don't suggest marriage counseling, as that is not an option for us. I was told once that "Life's too short to spend it being unhappy."

Dear Cold: I wonder what your husband was like when you two first met and fell in love, before he became known as "the breadwinner" and before he became so selfish, reclusive, and angry in your eyes.

It is unfair of you to walk away from this marriage without trying to repair it.

I'm not sure why you rule out marriage counseling. Counseling can be the ideal place to face some very deep issues concerning your relationship. If your husband won't go, and it is possible for you to receive individual help, you should.

You could only gain by examining what you can start to do differently.

You also should give your husband the opportunity to be the man you married and the good father he probably still has the potential to be.