FROM NEVER-been-kissed to porn star?

Susan Boyle, the virginal wallflower whose blooming performance on "Britain's Got Talent" was e-mailed 'round the world last week, has been offered $1 million to make a porno.

"We want to get this movie shot and out while Susan has the world's attention," Mark Kulkis, of Los Angeles-based Kick Ass Films, said on NewYorkDailyNews.com.

"Besides, after 47 years of virginity, I'm sure Susan is also anxious to get something cracking as soon as possible."

After 47 years of virginity, she's probably feeling a lot more than anxious.

Should she decide to give it a go, Boyle would apparently have to lose her virginity on camera. What, no undress rehearsals? And Kick Ass would fly her to L.A. on - wait for it - Virgin Airlines.

Boyle's luminous April 11 performance of "I Dreamed a Dream" from "Les Miserables" has been viewed online more than 90 million times, by some calculations.

And the best offer she's gotten so far is to take her clothes off? Please, can somebody give this woman a record deal? Or a daytime talk show?

Not that she shouldn't consider the Kick Ass deal, so to speak, while she can.

Fame's fickle finger is already pointing toward a new "Britain's Got Talent" superstar, Shaheen Jafargholi. Like Boyle, he's lived most of his life with his mum and a cat. And he's probably as, uh, socially inexperienced as she is.

Difference being, he's only 12.

But he's got pipes, wowing the judges with his performance of the Jackson Five's "Who's Loving You."

In the doghouse

It's all porn, all the time in Tattleland today. But, please, this one's for a good cause. Penthouse Pet Mia Presley and about 70 magazine centerfolds and porn stars such as Ron Jeremy are doffing their duds to raise money for dog rescue efforts.

It being too late for them to cash in on their virginity, they'll host parties and sell autographed photos of themselves with their pets. Go to www.pornstars4pups.com to see some adorable photos of pups looking for good homes.

Oh, yeah, there are other pix there, too.

"Models love animals and most of us have warm hearts," Presley told FoxNews.com's Pop Tarts. "Everyone thinks we're divas but we're just nude models. We're high class, hard-working and giving sexy a smart voice."

And a remarkably melodious one, should Susan Boyle join the party.

Top down

Continuing today's theme (vacationing Howard Gensler, the things we do for you!) we turn once again to FoxNews.com for word that Lindsay Lohan, having burned through her serious-actress options and a lotta dough, is considering a star turn in a Las Vegas topless show.

That would be Spice Girl Mel B. and Kelly Monaco's "Peepshow." Lindsay attended the grand opening of the striptease extravaganza Saturday and apparently met with director Jerry Mitchell. Also in the premier audience were Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller, Chris Noth, Matthew Morrison, Perez Hilton and Donald Trump.

The show's designed to have rotating leads, and while Mel B. wants to stay on, Monaco doesn't.

"People forget that she [Lohan] is a 'triple threat,' " a source told FoxNews.com.

Well, we know she's had liaisons with boys and girls . . .

"She can act and sing and dance," said the source. "She feels that this would really revitalize her career and give her some serious theater cred."

Serious theater cred?

Maybe she should try "Britain's Got Talent."

Just folk

Daily News music writer Jonathan Takiff reports that while the area's other big folk fest (Appel Farm) is taking a year off, the Philadelphia Folk Festival is gearing up for another full weekend Aug. 14-16.

"We're focusing on newer faces with a folk sensibility, like the Low Anthem and an all-star L.A. collective called the Works Progress Administration [an eight-piece including members of Nickel Creek, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Toad the Wet Sprocket and Elvis Costello's Imposters]," talent booker Jesse Lundy announced yesterday. "And we're spending more on headliners than we ever have before."

Among the latter: Rebirth Jazz Band, the Del McCoury Band, Tony Trischka, Tom Rush, Sonny Landreth and two biggies "we can't announce until June 7th, after they've played other dates in the area." Hmmm, muses Jonathan, aren't the Decemberists in town on June 6? *

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

Tattle's Howard Gensler has the day off.