Ask Amy: He's not going to Disney World

Dear Amy:

I'm having an issue with my wife. Our family has taken a Disney World vacation every few years. Last year my wife wanted to go again, but because of the economy, I talked her out of it. I feared we would need the money for important things. We talked about going this year.

I made a career change two months ago, but it has been hard adjusting. I changed careers because we both felt the opportunity was important.

About a week ago while driving to work, my wife called and asked if she could take our three kids to Florida without me.

I can't take time off from the new job. My wife works full time and said she needs a break. I didn't want to argue, so I said yes, thinking she wouldn't really go.

She has been planning this with our kids when I'm not around. My oldest doesn't want to go without me, and my wife is mad about it.

How can I talk to her so she understands how I feel?

Dear Blue: Your wife's primary mistake was to cook up this scheme with the kids behind your back. They should not be involved in making a decision that should be made between the two of you.

Your mistake was to agree to something you don't want her to do. All the same, you should talk compromise.

Your wife and kids could go for half the time and be at home with you for the rest.

As a working mother, your wife has as much right to take a vacation (if it's affordable) as you do to not to take one.

Work this out with her - without involving the kids.

Dear Amy: My parents were married 30 years and separated for eight years. They never divorced or legally separated.

Six years ago, my father moved in with another woman. The whole group got along just fine.

My father recently passed away. He left a small life insurance policy to my mother that he established two years ago; this money will be just enough to handle his final costs and allow my mother to buy a decent used car, which she needs.

The girlfriend has approached my mother with thousands of dollars of debt that my father and the girlfriend racked up while living together. The debt is in the girlfriend's name.

Apparently she feels that because my mother is receiving money, my mother should pay for this debt.

My father established this life insurance long after living with the girlfriend and still chose to make my mother the beneficiary.

His actual directive to my mother was to pay his final costs, and that the remaining money belonged to her, not the kids or the girlfriend.

I feel for her position, but I don't believe my mother should feel obligated to pay for debt created with "the other woman."

What obligation does my mother have?

Dear Daughter: Your mother is not obligated to pay off your father's girlfriend's debts, but she should help where she can because you can assume he was a party to the debt creation. Find out.

Your father seems to have been deliberate about his choices. You can assume he left this money to your mother knowing any proceeds would be swallowed up by the debt. As his wife, she should also receive survivor benefits.