Ask Amy: Husband mocks wife on past ties

Dear Amy:

My husband, James, and I have been married for two months but have known each other two years. We have three children between us.

Recently, while having an honest conversation, we described some of our past relationships. My husband knew one of the people from my past, and since having this discussion he has done nothing but mock me.

I do not regret my past relationships, but it's becoming quite an issue with James and his catty comments.

I've repeatedly told him to leave it alone, drop it and give it up, but nothing seems to get through to him. I've asked him why he feels the need to crack jokes, but he just starts making fun to avoid talking about it.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Dear No: Your husband's default position of mocking you when he's uncomfortable doesn't bode well when it comes to issues you'll be confronting in the future.

You can assume that this relationship in your past makes your husband feel insecure. Mocking, belittling and sarcasm are what bullies do.

The next time this happens, you could try to change the dynamic by saying, "I can tell this makes you feel insecure for some reason. If you want to talk about it, let's talk. Otherwise, I want to reassure you that I choose to be with you. Your reaction is making me feel bad - not about this past relationship, but about you."

After that, stop responding.

You should be concerned about this behavior when it comes to dealing with your children (if they're young and at home). If he mocks them when he's uncomfortable, they'll be saddled with the same low self-esteem he seems to have.

If this becomes a chronic problem, you should urge him to get professional help.

Dear Amy: I just received an invitation to a friend's wedding. Accompanying the invitation was an e-mail from the bride. She said she would love for me to come but, because of space limitations, she couldn't accommodate every invited guest bringing their own guest to the event. She said she hopes I understand.

Frankly, I'm happily single right now and wouldn't have brought a guest anyway, but if I had a guest, I imagine I would be a little miffed.

Was this a breach of etiquette?

Dear Wondering: Couples are not obligated to include guests of guests with every invitation they send. Normally, wedding guests who are in a domestic partnership or long-standing relationship are invited to bring their own guest.

Generous brides and grooms will sometimes issue "and guest" invitations to non-attached people they invite, but this can get expensive and the wedding couple can end up not knowing a lot of guests. Your friend didn't commit a breach.