Ask Amy: Pair wed then split - and keep gifts as 'reparation'
Dear Amy: Recently, my fiance, Timothy, and I decided mutually and amicably that we were not right for each other.
Dear Amy:
Recently, my fiance, Timothy, and I decided mutually and amicably that we were not right for each other.
However, the date of the wedding was looming, and we had arranged and paid for it entirely on our own without assistance from relatives.
We decided to go ahead with the wedding despite our feelings toward each other, but we did not tell our families or friends how we felt because we want to keep our issues private.
A week later, we got the marriage annulled.
My uncle, who gave us an expensive breadmaker as a wedding gift, became very irate when we annulled the marriage. He left long and obscene messages on my phone and on Timothy's phone, saying he wants the breadmaker back.
Timothy and I already divided the gifts between us, and he has the breadmaker and does not want to relinquish it.
We feel as though we threw an expensive party for our friends and families and, even though we are not together anymore, we deserve the gifts as reparation.
This is causing a lot of tension in my family.
How can I defrost the chilly atmosphere the next time I see my uncle?
There is probably not much sense in throwing a little etiquette lesson your way at this late date, but let me try. In this case, substitute the phrase "common decency" for "etiquette."
If you have no intention of staying married beyond a week, you shouldn't lie to friends and family (not to mention judge or clergy) and participate in a wedding.
If the marriage ends quickly, the wedding gifts should be returned quickly.
Your uncle shouldn't leave long and obscene messages on anyone's phone, but you do owe him an expensive breadmaker. I suggest you have one shipped to him before he takes you to small claims court or drags you to appear before Judge Judy.
You owe each and every invited guest an explanation, an apology, and their wedding gifts.
Enjoy your single life. It would probably be best for everyone involved if you stayed that way for a while.