Ask Amy: He says he wants out - but stays

Dear Amy:

My husband of 24 years came home one day about two months ago and announced that he no longer loved me and wanted out of our marriage.

I've been a stay-at-home mom for all these years, and he offered to stay with me and pay the bills, keep the house, and pay my way through school.

We have two children.

Our oldest is out on his own and we have a teenage handicapped son still at home.

I've been pretty much the sole caregiver for our handicapped son since birth.

My husband is always concerned when I'm upset and even brought me chocolates on a really bad day - something he never did before. He still hugs me and has actually been much nicer to me since his "announcement."

Our friends say he's crazy and has no idea how much of myself I've given over the years.

They all think he still loves me. I really don't know what to think. Any advice?

Dear Confused: Your husband is behaving like a man who has had a large weight lifted from his shoulders. He seems to have transferred that weight to you.

You two have a lot to discuss. You could start by expressing your confusion over his recent behavior.

If he chooses to leave the marriage, then he owes you more clarity about what his intentions are. If he is leaving the marriage, he should also leave the home.

However, if he is going through a transition and isn't sure what he really wants, then he should have a heart-to-heart with you and let you know what he's thinking and what his motivations are.

You have a complicated situation at home, and you both could benefit from sitting down with a counselor who could help you sort things out - and develop a plan.