Ask Amy: Tell friend you won't be part of her lying
Dear Amy: My friend Michelle and I have known each other since birth and we are very close. She has been in a relationship with Ted for the last three years, but they are unhappy.
Dear Amy:
My friend Michelle and I have known each other since birth and we are very close. She has been in a relationship with Ted for the last three years, but they are unhappy.
Lately, Michelle has started meeting her ex-boyfriend for dinner or drinks, and she lies to Ted and tells him she is with me instead.
Michelle has done this several times. She always calls beforehand to tell me not to answer my phone if Ted calls.
I covered for her once, and felt extremely uncomfortable about it.
Ted and I aren't close friends, but lying to him made me feel awful. I tried telling this to Michelle, but she seems to have forgotten our conversation because she did it again last week.
What should I do?
This is a serious condition that causes sufferers to use, abuse, and lie to their friends and then, conveniently, forget any conversation having to do with their behavior.
The best treatment for this is for you to speak slowly and carefully to your friend, spelling out the consequences if she ever does this again.
Here's what you say: "I am not going to be involved in your deception, and if Ted happens to call me and asks me where you are, I am going to tell him the truth. If you want to lie to him, that's your business, but I'm not going to lie."