Ask Amy: Worried mom knows it's best to keep track

Dear Amy:

I'm not allowed to sleep over at one of my best friends' houses because my mom heard so many rumors about drinking going on at the house.

Truthfully, there has only been drinking once at the house when I've been there, and it wasn't even really at the house - it was at the park next to her house, and during that one time, I wasn't even drinking.

Bottom line: My parents don't trust me to hang out with my friend anymore. They also seem to think that my friend's mom supports the drinking, but she is completely against underage drinking and drugs.

How can I gain back my mom's trust so that I can hang out with my friend?

Dear M: The way to gain your mother's trust is by proving that you are trustworthy - over and over again. Then you're going to have to ask her to trust you to spend time with your friend.

One way to gain trust would be to invite your friend to hang out with you at your home so your mother can get to know her better. You should also encourage your mother to talk to your friend's mom so that this other mother can make her case, mom-to-mom.

Dear Amy: Recently I brought my 12-year-old daughter and her friend, Lisa, to a play.

I picked them up from soccer and bought dinner and the tickets. Her friend then spent the night. I cleared this with the mom, whom I hardly know.

It was my treat, and I don't mind that part.

It was never clarified when Lisa would go home. I told her that I could bring her home at 2 p.m., but she said, "No, my mom is picking me up. She called on my phone."

Of course there was no consideration if that worked for me, but OK, fine.

By 4 p.m. I asked Lisa if she had heard from her mom. She said her mom was "on her way."

At 5:30 the mom pulled up and sat in the car with her cell phone planted in her ear.

I waved to her and got a nod back. Lisa got in, and they pulled away.

No thank-you from either one of them.

I want to call this mom and tell her how upset I am. Should I let it go?

Dear Upset: Your job is to establish with the other parent when the child will be retrieved. Twelve-year-olds don't always know what their parents are up to.

The fact that this other mother is so irresponsible and ungrateful means that you should hesitate before hosting her daughter again - but because you didn't confirm the pickup time with her personally, telling her off now doesn't seem right.