Ask Amy: Bride wants to salute gays' right to marry

Dear Amy:

I am getting married next month, and my fiance and I are selecting readings for our wedding. I would like to include a reading, perhaps from Mildred Loving, that expresses support for gay couples to marry. Many guests, however, are conservative or elderly and not likely to share my beliefs.

I would find it difficult to let the day pass without a public recognition that everyone deserves the right to marry his or her life partner, but I don't want to make guests feel I am deliberately antagonizing them. What are your thoughts?

Dear Bride: The short answer: This is your wedding, and within fairly loose boundaries, you and your guy can do as you choose, certainly if the officiant agrees to it.

The other answer: This freedom leads some couples to commit various cultural and artistic atrocities.

This choice seems somewhat patronizing, but surely your reading wouldn't be more antagonizing than another couple's choice to sing a medley of Carpenters hits.

If you want to use your day to proselytize and educate family and friends about your views, go for it, but be prepared for at least one congregant to figuratively (if not actually) roll his or her eyes.

Your wedding day presents the opportunity to be a gracious, inclusive, loving host. The best hosts don't take every opportunity to lecture guests, even when they are basically a captive audience.

Dear Amy: I have had custody of my children, ages 14 and 15, for three years. My ex-wife is an alcoholic who has been sober for seven months.

Two months ago, she requested to take the kids every other week. I did not want to deny them the opportunity to build the relationship, so I agreed.

The problem is my kids request things, such as rides to midnight movie premieres, from their mom the week they are with her, and when she refuses they ask me to do it.

I resent my ex-wife for not being willing to do these things I have done for three years, and I don't feel my daughter should look for me to do what her mother won't.

I told my daughter she needs to depend on me when she is with me and on her mom when she is with her.

Was this decision correct, and, if so, is there a good way to explain this to my kids?

Dear RC: It sounds as if you are doing a good job with your kids, though I agree with some of their mother's limits as you explain them.

You are all going through a transition, and you must make sure everyone is clear about the new parameters.

Your kids shouldn't prevail upon you to do something when they are with their mother after she has refused, but you can understand that they are trying to navigate this challenge to their best advantage. If their mother is being unreasonable, they'll have to face that reality.

Make sure your kids know they can call you for any reason when they are with their mom, but reiterate that you will not undercut her authority.