Poster Child: 'Shorts'

Any food I eat inside the supermarket has no calories. A date with Audrina Patridge, holding a "free pass" from my wife. A chunk of free money. These are wishes. (Sorry, "world peace.")

But "Shorts" gives us lame-o giganto-ears and block-robots and tiny aliens - all proof that a child's imagination can't be contained by Hollywood. If you don't believe me, give a kid an empty shoe box and a spatula, and see what happens.

"Shorts" is going to skew (much) younger than "Spy Kids," too, which means the only thing your 7-year-old is going to appreciate is the high-fructose corn syrup in the licorice. All from a multicolored wish-granting rock - obviously the power source of all this fantastical imagineering - looking like a repainted prop from "Year One."

It all gets crazy when the adults want a piece of the action, but the (good) characters will ultimately eschew their wishes for a deeper appreciation of what they already have. A happy ending, but a lie. And we shouldn't lie to our kids.

A wishing rock. Really? Wish I could've been in the room for that pitch.