Ask Amy: Parents laughing off the violence
Dear Amy: There is a family whose children attend the same school as my children. We have been invited to several family gatherings over the last year.
Dear Amy:
There is a family whose children attend the same school as my children. We have been invited to several family gatherings over the last year.
When we have attended functions at their home, my husband and I have noticed that their children often misbehave to the point of being violent.
The kids seem to run the house, and the parents just laugh it off if someone gets hurt. They don't seem to have developed effective discipline techniques. I don't believe my kids are safe with these children, and I don't enjoy the time we spend together.
I have declined several invitations, but the mother is persistent in asking me and my family to be a part of their family's celebrations.
I feel as if I would be stepping over the line to let this mother know that I don't want to spend time with their family because the children don't know clear boundaries and often act in unsafe ways.
Should I speak up - and maybe recommend some of my favorite parenting books - or continue to turn down invitations?
You just say, "I have to be honest. We really like you and the kids, but I'm nervous because they don't play the way our kids play. When they get violent, it scares the life out of our kids and they don't know what to do. I just don't feel they are safe at your house."
If this mother responds by telling you she'd like to have more control but doesn't know how to, you can make some recommendations.
One book this family might find helpful is Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries, by Robert J. MacKenzie (2001, Three Rivers Press).