Ask Amy: Parents give 30-year-old a chore list

Dear Amy:

I am a 30-year-old married woman. Our children are 3 years old and 3 months old.

I have lived away from my parents' house for 13 years. They live several hours away. When we visit my parents, I still have a list of chores waiting for me. This usually includes vacuuming, unloading the dishwasher and cleaning the bathroom.

Both parents are retired and in good health.

I am the baby of the family, the only one who lives away and the only one who still gets chores to do when I come for a visit. My husband thinks it is ridiculous that a guest would receive a list of chores to do.

I explain that my parents still think of their home as my home and that we are not guests.

He would be more comfortable with the idea if my parents occasionally came to our house to help us out.

At what point is it not OK to still expect your children to help around the house?

Dear Hopeful: I know of many grandparents who are greeted by their adult children with requests to fix the garage door or to baby-sit for the kids during visits. Are these family members guests? Sure. But should family pitch in when they're visiting? Absolutely. Furthermore, your husband should help out too.

However, I agree that it is slightly strange for your parents to give you an actual list of chores or ask you to clean the bathroom on the first day of your visit (you should clean it on the last day).

You could say, "When we come to visit, I want you to know I'll help out, but you don't have to write down jobs for me to do - I'll ask you what I can do, you can tell me, and we'll take it from there."