If I had just one meal at the market ...

I ate at every last restaurant in the Reading Terminal Market, except those I decided didn't count (there weren't many). I don't know when Mayor Nutter is scheduled to appoint me Eater-in-Chief of Philadelphia, but I'm expecting the call any day now.

I took my culinary journey one meal at a time, but if you're not from the area, you probably don't have that luxury. For all those food tourists who must do the terminal in one visit, here's how (I salute you wholeheartedly, but you are definitely going to want to bring backup):

_ Eat anything at Dutch Eating Place, and I mean anything. If deep-fried, cheese-coated brussel sprouts came in a Dutch Eating Place wrapper, I'd be mighty tempted.

_ Go for one chicken wing at Dienner's Bar-B-Q Chicken. Get the sauce, too.

_ Try a tiny amount of pasta salad at Salumeria. It would be on me, but I'm not there.

_ Order a small side of fries at Down Home Diner. If you bring along a lot of people - and an iron stomach ready to do some serious digesting - get a burger, too. But remember, there's more to come.

_ At Herschel's East Side Deli, get a small side dish that would make your bubbe proud. If you don't have a bubbe, feel free to dial 800-RENT-A-BUBBE.

_ Don't leave without a cup of clam chowder and some oyster crackers from Pearl's Oyster Bar. You simply cannot substitute anything for this treat. Famed abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison put it best: "I am in earnest, I will not equivocate, I will not excuse, I will not retreat a single inch."

_ For dessert? Either your favorite fruit crepe at Profi's Creperie, or a cinnamon bun at Beiler's Bakery. Tell 'em Ben sent ya. Then run away before they ask who Ben is.

_ If you think you'll ever be hungry again, get a Miller's Twist pretzel for the road. I bet it's impossible to rail against MapQuest for inaccurate directions while eating a Miller's Twist pretzel.

- Ben Zauzmer