Ask Amy: Should this be an affair to forget?

Dear Amy:

I happened to meet up with my high school sweetheart more than four years ago. I fell in love with her again, and we had an affair. The affair made me end a 32-year marriage.

My sweetheart kept her marriage together, and I always respected that.

Recently, though, she virtually walked away without any commentary whatsoever, other than a phone call when she said she still thinks about me. I want to get together, vet this situation, and have at least that last quiet moment together, but she has remained silent.

I do not want to push myself on her, but I am burning inside and ready to reveal this entire relationship - not as revenge, of course, but to serve as a learning experience not to fool with someone's emotions without facing the consequences.

Is there anything to be gained by bringing this out to her husband?

Dear Hurt: Well, it's a relief that you aren't feeling vengeful.

Right now, you are piping hot and angry. Of course you're vengeful. It is obvious and understandable that you would like to wreak a little havoc. Simmer down before you do anything drastic.

I need to point out that you cheated on your wife before dumping her. Your energy might best be served reflecting on your own behavior and the part you played in this train wreck, as well as the pain it has caused you and others.

You could "out" your former sweetheart to her husband, but I dare say it wouldn't provide you a shred of satisfaction. It would make you seem wounded.

I'd be surprised if your sweetheart granted you the relationship-vetting meeting you desire, so rather than press to meet, you should do your best to walk away from this mess.