Tweaking the traditional: Recording artists are putting new twists on old standards this holiday season

STING, BOB DYLAN, a couple of "Idols" and some very twisted souls are rarin' to brighten your holiday with new albums of seasonal cheer.

Most of the new Christmas CDs I've auditioned over the past few weeks rely on tried-and-true musical faves - the carols and pop standards that have been uniting us for umpteen years.

Still, there can be a whole lot of difference in the treatments - this year ranging all the way from tinkly lullaby treatments for a baby's first Christmas, to a music video of grown-up "babes" stripping to "Jingle Bells" and "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies"!

Yeah, "sacrilegious" offerings are on the rise this year, as either (a) harsh commentary on the commercialization of the season and tough times we're suffering or (b) yet another form of jaded commercial exploitation. It's your call.

GREETINGS FROM BOB-LAND: The season's biggest head-scratcher has to be Bob Dylan's "Christmas In the Heart" (Columbia, B-). Even the most devoted of Dylan fans might be taken aback by his craggy-voiced assault on "The First Noel," "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" and "O Come All Ye Faithful." Better served are the secular novelty tunes he appropriates. Note the grandfatherly delivery of "Here Comes Santa Claus" and slow and boozy testimony of "The Christmas Blues." Compounding the problem, there's not much else to distinguish this project, apart from Dylan's weird old vocals. Proceeds do go to charity, though.

ARTFUL AMBITIONS: Sights are set especially high by Sting with "If on a Winter's Night" (Deutsche Grammophon, B) and Tori Amos with "Midwinter Graces" (Universal Republic, A-). The Sting-meister digs into several centuries of music for this mix of old English carols, hymnlike wintry songs plus a few from his own song catalog, - with an apt, recurring theme that winter/Christmas really can be the cruelest season of all. True to his signature, the tunes are delicately seasoned with a swirl of folk, pop, classical and jazz flavors, and so subtly performed by the singer and all-acoustic band that you might take it for blissful chill music, instead of a fearsome freeze-out.

A minister's daughter and keyboard accompanist in her youth, Amos opts to "quote" familiar holiday songs in intriguing mash-up fashion on her creative outing, blended with her florid imagery and melody lines. "What Child, Nowell" rewrites "What Child Is This" and "The First Noel" with distinctive key sharpening turns. An equally eccentric "Star of Wonder" kicks off in an Eastern modal motif. And Amos also keeps her edge with originals like the jazz band-flavored "Pink and Glitter" and modernistic carol-closer "Our New Year." Over the top, and better for it!

IDOL WORSHIP: "Christmas from the Heart" (Jive, B) may be the best-suited and most successful album that "American Idol" first-runner-up David Archuleta ever delivers. His "Silent Night," "Ave Maria" and "O Come All Ye Faithful" are choirboy-perfect.

Talent judge Simon Cowell also frothed for Connie Talbot, a first- runner-up on Idol's less age-restrictive sister show "Britain's Got Talent." As her third album, "Holiday Magic" (Rainbow Recordings, B-), underscores, Talbot is a freak of nature, with a grown-up singing voice in the body of a (just-turned) 9-year-old. Listening to her trill through "Silent Night," the calypso-flavored "Mary's Boy Child" and "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" might inspire your kids. Or depress the heck out of 'em.

THEIR FIRST CHRISTMAS ALBUM: I've had quibbles with other tributes in this series. But the sweet tinkling "Rockabye Baby! - Lullaby Renditions of Christmas Rock Classics" (Baby Rock Records, B) holds charms for young and young at heart, including glockenspiel, vibraphone and mellotron-scored renderings of John Lennon's "Happy Xmas (The War is Over)," The Pretenders' "2000 Miles" and Pearl Jam's "Some Day At Christmas."

Sure to rouse the young'uns is Putumayo's "A Family Christmas" (B) with get-up-and-dance motivators by Leon Redbone, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Brave Combo and lots more.

GUILTY PLEASURES: There's nothing sacred but a lot that's funny and fresh about "Ho: A Dan Band Christmas" (Razor & Tie, A-) from the group of the same name. This bundle of badness earns my vote as Best Christmas novelty album of 2009. Fronted by Dan Finnerty, the Dan Band's thing is to riff satirically on both musical styles and the holiday, kicking off with a rather lascivious (but aren't they all?) headbanger called "I Wanna Rock U Hard This Christmas." Among other rowdy charms is Santa's soulful rescue of a streetwalking "Ho Ho Ho," the Celtic ditty "Get Drunk & Make Out This Christmas" and the anthem "Please Don't Bomb Nobody This Holiday." And please don't play this for the kids.

VIDEO WATCH: Are you a fan of those "Yule Log" videos (and Christmas Eve/morn TV-station presentations) that display a roaring fireplace on the TV screen while holiday music plays? If so, you might relish the "Christmas Classics - The Yule Log Edition" DVDs that Columbia/Legacy has put out for the season. Hum along with "Christmas with Johnny Cash" (B), "Merry Christmas" by Mariah Carey (B) or, my fave, Kenny Chesney's country (and sometimes Caribbean-flavored) buffet(t) of good cheer "All I Want for Christmas" (B+). Each DVD soundtrack plays nicely through TV speakers, while a tap on your DVD remote's "angle" button switches the screen to show the close-up of a roaring fire, a wide angle view of the working fireplace, or an outdoor vision of a country cabin with snow falling and smoke drifting out of the chimney.

Don't care about getting coal in your stocking? You may be ripe for the "Yule a Go-Go" DVD (www.yuleagogo.com, C). This video disc also offers the steadfast vision of a blazing yule log - but with strip-teasing angels and elves prancing in front of the fire. The artistes eventually strip down to twirling pasties and panties as a honky-tonkin' band plays holiday faves, burlesque style.

For those who couldn't wiggle into the Brian Setzer Orchestra's big band-scorched "Christmas Extravaganza" at the Keswick, the "Ultimate Christmas Collection" (Surf Dog, B) packs the full 100-minute stage show on a DVD. Plus you get a companion CD with the best 20 tracks from the stray cat's prior holiday releases.

MORE TO SCORE: Trios/quartets of hearty male tenors often give me a toothache. But The Irish Tenors "Christmas" (Razor & Tie, A-) is a subtle gem, with folk and Broadway-flavored renderings of "Go Tell It On the Mountain," "Fairytale of New York" and "Feliz Navidad," among others.

Neil Diamond mixes highlights of two 1990s holiday pop albums with five new tracks - including his catalog-quoting title track and a show-capping cover of Adam Sandler's "The Hanukkah Song" on "A Cherry Cherry Christmas" (Columbia, A-). Tellingly, he stays away from the "holy" stuff.

The R&B music community was just not feeling the spirit this year. One notable exception - the rousing, contemporary gospel celebration "The Clark Sisters Family Christmas" (Karew Records, B+).

BLASTS FROM THE PASTS: With songs like "My Favorite Things" and "Climb Every Mountain," the 50th-anniversary reissue of "The Sound of Music" (Columbia, A) Broadway-cast recording just seems right for the season.

Also making a comeback "A Christmas Gift For You from Phil Spector" (Legacy), a 1963 landmark that sparked the major pop-ification of holiday tunes.

MUST TO AVOID: Comedian Kathy Griffin's "Sucking It For the Holidays" (Twist/Donut Run, D). While the package is loaded up with Griffin-as-Ms. Santa photos, the concert recording has just one pertinent joke. Way to make a statement - and confuse shoppers, hah, hah.