Dave on Demand: The more inappropriate the better on 'Bachelor'

It was a reality-show steel-cage match this week on

The Bachelor: The Women Tell All

. Our wily combatants: Rozlyn Papa and host Chris Harrison.

Rozlyn, you may recall, was booted off the show for having an inappropriate relationship with one of The Bachelor's producers. Massive recriminations ensued.

I'm still having a little trouble understanding how anything carnal could constitute grounds for dismissal from this program.

The whole foundation of The Bachelor, after all, is to encourage a comely group of women to seduce the designated object of desire, whether they like him or not. It's a broadcast brothel.

Rozlyn apparently crossed some line. When she walked on stage like a defiant Hester Prynne, you could practically hear the women in the studio audience hissing.

She delivered a spirited defense: Why is there not one frame of visual evidence, seeing as how the show had multiple cameras running in the house the whole time, including hidden cameras that the contestants were unaware of?

Harrison countered that a Bachelor producer, like her accused paramour, would be uniquely equipped to find dead zones in the coverage. Touché!

That's when things got really nasty. Harrison declared that he took no pleasure in this inquisition because he considered the producer to be a friend. Roz snarled that the feelings might not be reciprocated, "especially when you were hitting on his wife in New Zealand!" Oh, no, she didn't!

The host brought the segment to an abrupt end.

Rematch! Rematch! Rematch!

Song sung blue. That preliminary match between the U.S. and Canada was one of the most exciting hockey games I've ever seen.

It's clear our neighbors to the north are cuckoo for the sport and fiercely proud of their hockey prowess.

But if they want to earn my respect, they're going to have to find a better fight song than the one they played in the arena in Vancouver: Neil Diamond singing "Sweet Caroline."

Seriously, Neil Diamond? That is just so wrong on so many levels, not the least of which is the fact that Diamond, like me, is from Brooklyn.

With all the Canadian musicians available, this is what you choose? What's wrong with Bachman Turner Overdrive?

It's not that funny. The reason networks overpay for events like the Olympics (NBC has estimated it will lose $200 million on Vancouver) is that if the viewing audience is large enough, it's a great platform to promote your new shows.

Apparently the only thing NBC has in the pipeline is The Marriage Ref, which it plugged incessantly during the Winter Games.

For some reason I'm just not that excited about seeing Kelly Ripa laugh uproariously at everything that comes out of Alec Baldwin's mouth.

Extra cheesy. People find all manner of abstruse semiotics in episodes of Lost. Me, I'm more of a TV Guide crossword puzzle type.

So here's how I deconstructed this week's show: After visiting his mother (Veronica Hamel, a Philly native and Temple grad), Jack went home bearing a pizza for his son (Whoa, Jack has a teenager? When did that happen?).

Back when she starred as Joyce Davenport on Hill Street Blues, Hamel referred to her lover, Capt. Furillo, as "Pizza Man."

Now Jack is Pizza Man. Get it?

See, I can connect the dots, too. I think they're pepperonis.

Oh, the humanity! This week, a vandal spray-painted a statue of Andy Griffith in Mount Airy, N.C. The sculpture captures the beloved sitcom's famous opening tableau: Andy walking hand in hand with Opie, a fishing pole slung over his shoulder.

Two thoughts sprang into my head when I read about this heinous crime:

(1) Somebody should check to see if Goober has an alibi.

(2) The security detail guarding Fonzie's statue in Milwaukee should be put on high alert.