Ask Amy: Costs of bachelorette party get out of hand

Dear Amy:

I'm a bridesmaid for an old friend this summer, and she has chosen a three-day destination bachelorette party.

She paid for her own air and hotel but expects her bridal party to pay for our costs and hers for the entire weekend, including all drinks, meals, transportation, and shows.

I expected to buy her a gift and a drink here and there, but everything, all weekend?

Every time I open my inbox there's another e-mail suggesting another expensive activity.

The other bridesmaids don't seem to agree with me that this is getting ridiculous (the e-mails are coming from them), but I don't make as much money as they do.

So I have to know - am I the ridiculous one?

What is typical destination bachelorette party etiquette?

Dear Broke: Destination bachelorette parties tax my limited etiquette expertise.

I do know quite a bit about being broke, however.

You are responsible for your own bank balance.

Because you've been sucked into something that has mushroomed into an event you can no longer afford, you face the unhappy task of deciding whether to pull the plug.

You should e-mail the entire bridal party and, without passing judgment on their plans, say: "Here's what I can do. Here's what I can't do." During the weekend, set a budget for yourself, stick to it, and hope your fellow bridesmaids don't turn on you.

Otherwise, staying home, absorbing the ticket cost, and watching the Bridezilla marathon on TV might be your best weekend bet.

Dear Amy: I'm worried that my boss might have an eating disorder.

Over the last two years, she has gone from about a size 10 to a size 0 (which now seems baggy on her). She doesn't eat during the day. She says she snacks at home.

She is also exercising at least twice per day.

She still believes she is fat.

People around the office have been saying they are worried about her extreme weight loss, but no one knows what to do, or even if it's appropriate to do anything.

I would like to take my concerns to HR, but she is the best boss I've ever had, and I'm worried that not only will I lose her trust if she finds out that I did, but also that I may put her job in jeopardy.

What should I do?

Dear Concerned: You shouldn't worry about being exposed as a rat because you expressed concern about the health of a fellow employee.

If your boss has an eating disorder, an HR representative would point her toward treatment without putting her job on the line.

After you've made your concerns known, back off. There's no need to discuss this with colleagues.