Ask Amy: Girlfriend too cuddly with friends

Dear Amy:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for three months. Generally, we are very happy and she is an amazing, sweet woman. The only problem we have is our differences in opinion regarding physical boundaries with friends.

Most of her friends are male, and she is very physical with them. She sees no problem with cuddling, giving back rubs, dancing up against them, and behaving in a way that I (and most of my friends) consider inappropriate. She is also good friends with one of her exes and goes over to his place about once a week to have dinner and wine alone with him, when I am not available.

I have spoken to her about this, and she understands my point of view but thinks I am trying to control her. She says she refuses to change the way she acts with her friends just because she is dating someone.

We do really care about each other, and I know she loves me and wouldn't cheat, but these situations keep happening, regardless of my feelings.

Am I just at a crossroad where I have to either trust her or break up? Neither of us will budge from our stance.

Her friends think I'm "old-fashioned and uptight," and my friends think she is being inconsiderate of my feelings because she won't stop.

Dear Bothered: Your girlfriend won't change her behavior, so you should try to change yours.

Try this: For two whole weeks, be the unflappable, unruffled, I-can-wear-a-pocket-square George Clooney guy. Don't get perturbed by or react to your girlfriend's maneuvers.

During those two weeks, you should spend your extra energy deciding whether you really want to be with someone who acts as though she's auditioning to be a cast mate on Jersey Shore.

You should make your decision based on her continuing behavior and how it makes you feel.