Tell Me About It: Considering how to announce a pregnancy

Question:

I am 30, and going through a divorce.

Against my better judgment but still employing two forms of birth control, the husband I'm divorcing and I were intimate. I am now pregnant.

I can't make a logical argument for having this child. I still want a divorce and my husband is still engaging in the same behaviors that drove me to pack up and leave. I think the logical decision would have been to have an abortion but, though I tried, I never could stomach the thought.

Now I am starting to show and have no idea how to tell people. Those closest to me know, but coworkers, clients, people at church, and acquaintances do not. I feel like I should say something because looking more and more pregnant without saying anything seems weird.

At the same time, while I've made peace with it, it seems difficult to announce my pregnancy as most people would: joyous, excited, etc. I understand the difficult task I'm undertaking and don't want to appear too happy and therefore glib. But I also don't want to present it as news to be mourned.

And I am dreading the question about who the baby's father is. If I got this news from a friend who was divorcing, that question would immediately spring to mind. I hope I'd have the sensitivity to not ask. But it's a legitimate question. What do you think?

Answer: You chose not to end your pregnancy, so this is a wanted baby. That's joyous news. Period.

As for logical arguments for having the child, you don't have to make any. It happened, you decided how to deal with it, and you're dealing with it.

As for how to tell, you don't have to: Your belly will announce your pregnancy, civility will preempt many questions, and a Mona Lisa smile is all you need for the questions that slip through.

That is, if that's the mountain you want to climb. There's an argument to be made for satisfying what you regard as legitimate curiosity, and for offering the truth as an inoculation against speculation, which tends to get unruly.

If you choose this route, keep it short and keep it wry: "As you see, I'm expecting - a parting gift from my marriage." The "parting" answers one question, the "marriage" answers another, and the "gift" honors your child.

Congratulations.