Ask Amy: An early shakedown on wedding?

Dear Amy:

I am wondering about proper gift-giving etiquette when it comes to a combined engagement party/wedding reception being held nearly a year before the actual wedding.

This is in celebration of one of my husband's coworkers and her fiance, who have a rocky "on again, off again" relationship. They are notoriously irresponsible with their finances.

The wedding will be a destination wedding a year away. But on the invitation we received, they are requesting their wedding gifts now!

They are registered to a bank account. Does this sound fishy?

There was no indication on the invitation that the bank account was linked to a separate wedding fund or anything.

I say, give nothing until the deal has been sealed, especially given their relationship history and the fact that the party is a backyard barbecue.

My husband says, give half the amount of the wedding gift now and the other half next year, after they are officially married.

What is your opinion?

Dear Wondering: You can't possibly apply "proper gift-giving etiquette" to an event where the hosts don't seem to know the difference between an engagement and a shakedown.

Just because a couple demands money doesn't mean you have to give it.

I usually give books to engaged couples. For these two, I'd suggest one by my favorite arbiter of, well, just about everything: Judith Martin, "Miss Manners." Martin's latest book, wryly coauthored with her daughter, Jacobina Martin, is just right for the occasion: Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding (W.W. Norton & Co.).