Ask Amy: Partner's spending is irksome

Dear Amy:

I've been with my partner for more than 15 years, and we have, from the very start, kept most of our money separate.

We've put money in our budget to cover everyday household needs and mortgages, and always made decisions on "extras" that come up, such as replacing the furnace. We've been good about saving.

Our strategy has worked well until recently. My partner was laid off from his job about six months ago. He's been diligent about looking for work, while at the same time buying himself all sorts of toys worth a few thousand dollars using his personal savings. Arrgh!

When I bring up more practical matters, like needing to do home repairs, he questions the need and postpones decisions. I've either done the work or hired someone to do it.

In the end, I feel like yelling or telling him it is time to grow up and stop with the toys for a while.

Dear Burned-Out Babe: Transparency about your personal finances is necessary for your partnership to be healthy. When everyone is flush, this seems less important, but when times are tough, money drives a wedge between you.

Obviously, you two should have a fund ample enough to cover extra household expenses - and if you hire someone to perform a repair, your partner should share the cost.

His choice to spend his way through his unemployment is dangerous. Does your partner have gobs of money set aside in case his unemployment stretches into retirement?

Bring this up and work out a series of compromises for a variety of scenarios - this includes the possibility of waiting on home repairs. Working this out with a couples counselor would be a great investment.