Is abuse victim Rihanna just plain wrongheaded in Eminem video?

NEW YORK - It's hard to forget the haunting photo that leaked out early last year: Pop star Rihanna, her elegant face bruised and battered after a violent assault by her then-boyfriend, R&B singer Chris Brown.

Now, she's appearing in something else shocking, though thankfully fictional: Rapper Eminem's chart-topping "Love the Way You Lie," a song (and now video) that graphically depicts a physically abusive relationship.

And the debate has begun: Is the song a treatise against (or apology for) domestic violence, or an irresponsible glorification of it? Or, is it something uncomfortable in between? And how, exactly, to explain the role of Rihanna, who has said that she aims to help young people learn the lessons of her ordeal?

One thing is not in question: The song is a hit, sitting atop the Billboard Hot 100 chart. And well before the edgy video debuted Thursday evening, the lyrics were enough to get plenty of attention.

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn," Rihanna sings repeatedly, to an undeniably catchy tune. "But that's all right because I like the way it hurts."

As for Eminem, who raps the verses, he makes it crystal clear what the fire imagery's about. "If she ever tries to [expletive] leave me again," he says late in the song, "I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire."

In between, there's talk of love being wonderful, until it isn't. Suddenly there's pushing, pulling hair, scratching, clawing, biting: "Throw 'em down, pin 'em. So lost in the moments when you're in 'em."

The girl, acted in the video by actress Megan Fox, tries to leave. The guy, played by Dominic Monaghan, promises it won't happen again. But then he admits that he's lying: "I apologize even though I know it's lies."

Rihanna wasn't available for comment on the song, her publicist said in an e-mail message. But the 22-year-old singer, who last year won a Glamour Woman of the Year award, partly for her stand on domestic violence, has been quoted as saying that the song "was something that needed to be done and the way he [Eminem] did it was so clever. He pretty much just broke down the cycle of domestic violence."

As for Eminem, known for his turbulent relationship with ex-wife, Kim Mathers - his song, "Kim," graphically fantasized about murdering her - he has said that he enlisted Rihanna because she was the perfect person to pull the song off.

But can it be a teaching tool? That depends on the context in which young people see and hear it, says Marjorie Gilberg, executive director of Break the Cycle, a group that fights violence among teens.

"The danger is that pop culture defines our social norms," says Gilberg. "We don't want the message of this song to be that this kind of relationship is acceptable. So, this song has to be viewed in the context of real information from adults, like parents and teachers."

Of course, that depends on whether listeners even focus on the lyrics. Allison Churchill, an Eminem fan in Palm Coast, Fla., says that she has friends who never really hear the lyrics to songs they like - "they just like a good beat." She herself listened a number of times to "Love the Way You Lie" before she realized what it was saying.

"I thought, 'I can't sing along to that,' " says Churchill, 31.

But she thinks that the song could have a positive impact "if it can hit a nerve with a teenager and prompt them to go talk to someone about it." Because, she says, "The more we talk about a subject, the easier it is to fix."

One problem, though, says Gilberg, of Break the Cycle, is that the song reflects myths about domestic violence - myths that lead to blaming the victim. One is that women enjoy being hurt.

"Do people want to be abused? No," says Gilberg. "They want to be loved." They may put up with abuse, but that's a different story. Another myth, she says: The concept of mutual violence. (Eminem sings: "But your temper's just as bad as mine is. You're the same as me." And the video shows the actors hitting each other.)

"That's a classic line of an abusive man," says Terry O'Neill, president of the National Organization for Women. "You're as bad as me, so it's OK. The fact is, it's only 2-year-olds and violent men who use violence to get what they want."

O'Neill thinks Rihanna really is trying to make a contribution to fighting domestic violence - it's just that in this song, she's unwittingly glorifying it.

"She's narrating the story, and she's not judging it," says O'Neill. "And so she may not intend to be glorifying it, but she is."