Tell Me About It: Again invite parents to the baptism

Question:

After I left home 13 years ago, I converted to a different religion from the one in which I was raised. This caused a great deal of friction between me and my parents, which simmers under the surface to this day.

When my first child was baptized, I invited my parents to the ceremony, and they declined to come. They cited the "problems" with our church, how disappointed they still were in me, etc.

My second child is due to be baptized soon, and I don't know if it's rude to put my parents in the position of having to turn down another invitation (and possibly open myself up to another lecture, which I really want to avoid!) or rude not to invite them and feel as though I'm excluding them.

Answer: As much as you dread the Lecture, please talk to your parents. Tell them the invitation is coming, and that their objections to your faith are on the record but you'd like them to be there regardless.

By both sending the invitation and communicating with your parents directly, you inoculate yourself against the two worst cases: that you give them cause to feel excluded, or ignored. If they lecture you, you can think of puppies and butterflies for 10 minutes - but if you flip them off, the chill could be lifelong.

That's because they presumably - and erroneously - see your conversion as disrespectful to them. Any behavior that is legitimately disrespectful would only validate their original faulty thinking, and ultimately widen the rift between you.

If instead they're just bent on getting offended, then they'll find offense in anything you do; but that makes it more important, not less, that you travel what you believe is the high road.