Tell Me About It: Bridal party of 8 . . . 3 . . . maybe 0?

Question:

I can't have all my eight BFFs in my wedding, and I can't choose without hurting feelings, so I let them all know I was leaving it up to chance - they drew straws, and three randomly chosen friends are now my bridal party.

Now I find out the one I've known the longest is hurt that I didn't pick her. Others have said they wouldn't mind if I added her, but I feel like that would open a can of worms. Is this too dumb to even devote mental energy to?

Answer: Hurt feelings are never "too dumb" for our attention.

Now, there's some duh residue in (a) having eight "best" friends; (b) deciding arbitrarily that having three bridesmaids is OK but eight isn't; (c) drawing straws instead of including all of them or none of them; (d) your oldest friend taking things personally instead of just recognizing the desperate act of a desperate bride.

But still, you can't brush off a friend who's smarting. Tell her you're sorry for ... not thinking more clearly, or lumping all your friends together, or not anticipating how much she'd care, or whatever else you regret.

If you're not sorry, and instead you think she's overreacting, then stick kindly to your decision, with a response along the lines of: "I hear you, and I see now that you're hurt, but please realize that I was trying to preempt hurt feelings."

Which, again, is a good argument for not having a bridal party at all - an option you still have at this point. The hard feelings and unwelcome expenses so often take away more from weddings than the uniformed camaraderie brings.