Tattle: Globes: 3-hour show, 15 minutes of fun

IF YOU'VE EVER been to a movie junket (guilty!) and watched the Hollywood Foreign Press at work, they're a group of very nice people, with, dare we say, questionable taste.

Except when it comes to hors d'ouvres, hotel food and liquor.

But they do put on a glitzy TV show, the Golden Globes, that's unfortunately long on chatter and short on entertainment.

Snarky British comedian Ricky Gervais got the show started with a brief round of jokes. He first hailed the show as a night of drinking and partying "or as Charlie Sheen calls it . . . breakfast."

He got a little more pointed when he mentioned "I Love You Phillip Morris," which was not nominated, in which two straight actors, Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey, played homosexuals, "so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists then."

He then thanked his lawyers for the careful wording.

The first award (Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture) went to a bearded Christian Bale for his drug-addled role in "The Fighter," and for those expecting a glimpse into the crazy that Bale has been noted for, he came across as an actor prepping for his role as British Jesus.

Not only was "Sons of Anarchy" star Katey Sagal "shocked" for her win for Best Actress in a TV Drama, the Hollywood Foreign Press was also. Sagal was seated a mile from the stage.

Random thoughts

 * Two hours would have been plenty.

* Julianne Moore's cape-like dress was so red, a bull charged her.

* There's a portrait painting in Michelle Pfeiffer's house that's aging very badly.

* Wasn't it just yesterday that Trent Reznor was in Nine Inch Nails? Now he's a Golden Globe winning composer ("The Social Network") and wearing a tux.

* Memo to Tony Parker: Have you seen Eva Longoria?

* Justin Bieber looked like co-presenter Hailee Steinfeld's little, younger brother. She's 14. Now Bieber's alleged romance with Selena Gomez is really creeping us out.

* Whatever nasty remarks are bound to surface in the online comments for this story about Jane Fonda's politics, for 73 years old, she looked a-may-zing.

* Best Actress winner Annette Bening kissed Julianne Moore after her "Kids Are Alright" win.

No tongue.

Bening finished her lengthy thanks by thanking "the 1962 Golden Globe winner of Most Promising Actor, my husband Warren Beatty."

* For an organization as diverse as the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, they need to start a diversity initiative for their awards show. Maybe five people of color got any face time. No winners.

* Most genuine moment: Kaley Cuoco thrilled that her castmate Jim Parsons ("The Big Bang Theory") won as Best Actor in a TV comedy.

* For a woman who just announced her pregnancy, Natalie Portman's baby bump bumped very quickly.

* Colin Firth won the Best Actor award for "A Single Man." They just gave it to him a year late - and for "The King's Speech."

Quotes of the night:

 Cecil B. De Mille Award winner Robert De Niro, on the difference between his children and his movies: "My children are more expensive and you can't remake them in 3-D to push up the grosses."

* "Boardwalk Empire" producer/creator Terence Winter, on one of the perks of working for HBO: "And to my friends back in Brooklyn, I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."

* TV Best Supporting Actress winner Jane Lynch on being Jane Lynch: "I am nothing if not falsely humble."

* Screenwriting winner Aaron Sorkin ("The Social Network") on the film executives at Sony, "who believed the people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make movies."

* Stunned Best TV Supporting Actor winner Chris Colfer after hearing his name: "I think I just dropped my heart between Julianne Moore and Angelina Jolie."

* Best Supporting Actress winner Melissa Leo ("The Fighter") was excited about winning her Golden Globe, but it might have been the peck from her presenter that pleased her more: "All that and kissed by Jeremy Irons!"

* Surprise Best Actor winner Paul Giamatti after reaching the stage to accept his award: "I'm a little jacked up because I just ate five boxes of Godiva chocolates."

* Presenter Robert Downey Jr. before announcing the Best Actress nominees: "I don't know if an actress can do her best work until I've slept with her."

* Best Picture presenter Michael Douglas, making his first public appearance since his cancer battle: "There's just got to be an easier way to get a standing ovation."

E-mail gensleh@phillynews.com