Sideshow: Why don't you Gaga-get it, people?

Think you know Lady Gaga

?

Think again! Her Gagaship tells NME mag she is nothing short of a riddle wrapped in an enigma stuffed in a lot of leather and makeup.

"[I have] been probed endlessly about who the [heck] I am," she says. "I have been quite open about it. And still nobody seems to have a clue."

Gaga appears on the mag cover dressed in a sheer jumpsuit and fondling her body. What? You say she's renowned more for her look than for her abilities as a chanteuse? "Let me tell you something," says Gaga. "If you [beep] rip my hair bow and my wig off my [bleep] head, my shoes, my bra, every single thing on my body, and you throw me on a piano with a microphone, I will [beep] make you cry."

Former American Idol Judge Kara DioGuardi makes uncomfortable revelations in her new memoir, A Helluva High Note, due Tuesday.

According to excerpts posted on E!Online, Kara, 40, describes, in some detail, how she was repeatedly molested at age 11 by the teen son of a family friend. Kara also writes that years later she was raped by a "fairly known producer" after the two shared a friendly meal and was again raped, just a few days later, by a musician.

As for Idol, Kara claims the show contributed to her inability to get pregnant, even after in-vitro fertilization treatment.

"I wanted a child and there was no way I could get pregnant under the stress of 18-hour workdays and live TV," she writes.

Charlie Sheen on Tuesday was in Los Angeles Superior Court to seek full custody of his two sons with estranged wife Brooke Mueller

.

The Two and a Half Men star turned circus sideshow shares custody of 2-year-old twins Max and Bob, but wants them full-time in the wake of allegations Brooke has fallen off the (booze and/or drug) bandwagon.

Brooke also was in attendance. The court session was sealed and no resolution has been announced.

Boardwalk Empire starlet María de La Paz Elizabeth Sofia Adriana de la Huerta on Tuesday was charged with various assault charges for allegedly attacking MTV reality star Samantha Swetra at a New York bar last month.

Paz totally was justified: As she told the arresting officers at the time, "I'm a real actress. . . . She's a publicity seeker, a fake actress."

Yes, photos showing Vanessa Hudgens licking white powder off her fingers at the Coachella music festival over the weekend are accurate. But gossipers' conclusions are not: Vanessa's rep tells E!News she was not taking illicit drugs, but finishing off a serving of melted "white chocolate."

Jackass star Johnny Knoxville, 40, says on Facebook he and wife Naomi are expecting "another little bambino in the fall." It'll be his third child, his second with Naomi. . . . Anon sources tell the New York Daily News Susan Sarandon, 64, and bizguy Jonathan Bricklin, 33, were spotted "hugging and holding hands while buying two tickets" at a Manhattan movie theater Sunday night.

Kate Hudson tells InStyle that pregnancy has had some unpleasant side effects: Her breasts are too large. "I hate it. . . . I'm usually an A cup and I'm getting close to a D cup," she says, noting that larger bust sizes do not work well with high-fashion outfits. In less significant news, Kate also says she may wed her baby's papa, Muse singer Matthew Bellamy.

Kourtney Kardashian has let it slip accidentally-on-purpose that she and sis Khloe plan to launch a line of nail polish. "Amazing top secret meeting . . . with OPI!!!" she recently tweeted, referring to the cosmetics giant. OPI has yet to announce a deal. . . . The Royal Wedding will be streamed live and in full on YouTube's Royal Channel.

Billionaire Mark Cuban has put his Landmark Theatres and Magnolia Pictures up for sale. Why? He says ent-companies are attracting "huge valuations." But he won't sell "unless the offer is very, very compelling."

Demi Lovato, 18, has quit Disney Channel's Sonny With a Chance. Demi made news last year for a still little-explained three-month rehab stint. She says she wants to focus on her music career.

HBO has renewed its sword, sorcery 'n' sex epic Game of Thrones for a second season - a mere two days after the pilot was telecast Sunday, drawing 5 mil viewers.

Lindsay Lohan is poised to make a big-screen comeback. Life & Style says LiLo has been offered a role in crime epic Gotti: Three Generations.

Hoover marketing exec Brian Kirkendall has yanked all Hoover product ads from ABC over the network's decision to kill two soaps, All My Children and One Life to Live. His wife and mum love those shows!

Inspired by his vim, spirit, and vigor, trillions of soap fans have rallied around Kirkendall and Hoover. (The company's Facebook page went from 7,000 fans to 11,000 a day after his announcement last week.)

"I feel like I'm in the middle of a movement," Kirkendall says.

ABC gave the AP a no comment.