YESTERDAY, when it had become clear that Arnold Schwarzenegger had diddled a member of his household staff, there was some question as to what the then-unnamed woman did.

Personal assistant?

Nanny?

Cook?

Nope, Mildred Patty Baena was a maid.

As if there was any doubt.

The woman who mussed up Maria Shriver's sheets, also washed them.

Here are the other updates to one of the creepiest tales since the Brothers Grimm.

The "event," as Arnold referred to it in his statement (not even giving it the dignity of a "special event"), actually took place about 14 years ago and "Patty" was pregnant the same time Maria was. In fact, Christopher Sargent Shriver Schwarzenegger was born only five days after little boy Baena - let's just call him "Junior."

Arnold did not find out he was the father until "Junior" was a toddler.

Working to get its mojo back, TMZ.com was hot on the case yesterday and ran pictures of Patty dressed up as a pirate, holding a balloon at her baby shower, dancing with the Sperminator way back in 1994 and posing with Arnold, while holding Maria's son Christopher, for a Christmas card.

How adorable.

TMZ also reported that although Patty's then-husband, Rogelio Baena was listed as her Arnoldbaby's daddy on the boy's birth certificate, their divorce certificate from 2008 said the couple had no children together - meaning no child support for Rogelio.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

According to People magazine, Patty, now 50, calls herself a "proud parent" on her MySpace page (who's still on MySpace?) and says she's "searching for a serious relationship."

Translation: I'll do you but I don't do windows.

RadarOnline.com said Patty lost her job when she threatened to go public with her secret and Schwarzenegger, who had just completed his terms as governor, fired her.

The Los Angeles Times had reported that she had retired of her own accord after 20 years of scrubbing out those hard-to-clean stains.

TMZ said Patty made $1,200 a week working for the Schwarzeneggers, leading some Daily News reporters looking for a raise to see if there were any sex-free openings at Arnold's.

TMZ sources said Arnold was always "generous" with Patty, spreading both his wealth and his seed.

Patty now lives in a four-bedroom house with a pool, with "Junior" and her three other kids.

And none of them better look like Jerry Brown.

(For more on Arnold, see Dan Gross, Page 32.)

Surprise, Oprah!

 Oprah Winfrey wiped away tears as celebrity after celebrity surprised her during a farewell double-episode taping of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" that will precede her finale.

"Thank you is not enough, but thank you," Winfrey told the crowd of 13,000 gathered at Chicago's United Center Tuesday night for "Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular." "For your love and your support, thank you."

The celeb lineup included Aretha Franklin, Tom Hanks, Michael Jordan, Tom Cruise, Jerry Seinfeld, John Legend, Kristen Chenoweth, Josh Groban, Patti LaBelle, Jamie Foxx, Stevie Wonder, Simon Cowell, Rosie O'Donnell, Usher, Maria Shriver (not bringing up her hubby so as not be a downer), Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith, Halle Berry, Queen Latifah, Katie Holmes, Dakota Fanning, Diane Sawyer, Rascall Flatts (Oprah does love herself some country), Beyonce and Madonna.

Oh, just watch next Monday and Tuesday.

* Speaking of Oprah, Forbes has her at

No. 2 on its annual Celebrity Power List, right behind Lady Gaga.

Oprah earned the most money - $290 million - but Gaga ($90 million) had more Internet hits or something. Somehow we think even Gaga would find it amusing to learn she's more powerful than Oprah.

No. 3, absurdly, was Justin Bieber, because once you remove 12-year-old girls from the picture, he has no power at all.

Tattbits

 * Hawkeye Food-

service has filed suit against the now-closed Clinton, Iowa, restaurant Flavor Flav's Fried Chicken, claiming that Flav's ex-business partner, Nicolo Cimino, owes more than $12,000 for past food shipments.

$12,000 got you the jumbo bucket with all the fixins'.

* District of Columbia police records

show Bill Gates, Jay-Z and other celebrities have received official escorts similar to the one officers gave actor Charlie Sheen last month.

D.C. Police Chief Cathy Lanier told the Associated Press yesterday that the escorts are under investigation but that there may be a legitimate reason for each one.

Heck, yeah. D.C. cops wanted to meet Bill Gates, Jay-Z and Charlie Sheen.

* It would be hard to boycott Danish

director Lars von Trier's films because no one goes to see them anyway, but at the Cannes Film Festival, Von Trier said he sympathizes with Adolf Hitler, thinks Israel is a pain and plans to make a porn flick with Kirsten Dunst.

Before you could say croissant, Von

Trier's publicists released a statement saying the director "sincerely apologize(d)" for the comments.

"I am not anti-Semitic or racially prejudiced in any way, nor am I a Nazi," he is quoted as saying. As for his own film, "Melancholia," which premiered at the festival, Von Trier said, "Maybe it's crap. Of course, I hope not. But there is quite a big possibility that this might be, you know, really not worth seeing."

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

Email:gensleh@phillynews. com.