"SideShow" hereby wishes to say how grateful we are to Arnold Schwarzenegger for stepping into the shoes of Tiger Woods and providing celeb gossip fodder for the next few decades. As the gritty, grotty future unfolds, we see nothing but teeth-gnashing fun in the old crystal ball. Financial analysts are chirruping that if wife Maria Shriver seeks a divorce, Arnold, as miscreant mate, might have to fork over $100 million to $200 million, and that's a big fork. Reports say Shriver has retained mondo celeb-divorce lawyer Laura Wasser. Meantime, for reasons hazy to us, actress Jane Seymour has been piping up about Arnold. No, we don't know why exactly. With barely suppressed glee, Jane merrily went telling CNN Sunday that, "From what I gather, I think there will be lots of information coming people's way. I heard about two more [out-of-wedlock kids] somebody else knows about." Tell us more, Jane! Who invited you, though?

Hip-hip-hurray for Lily Yeh!

Philadelphia treasure and "SideShow" favorite Lily Yeh, whose efforts transformed a rubble-strewn section of North Philadelphia into an archipelago of gardens, sculptures and mosaics, and a disconnected neighborhood into a community, will read from her new book, Awakening Creativity: Dandelion School Blossoms at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at Moonstone Arts Center, 110A S. 13th St. Yeh has worked in Korogocho slums outside of Nairobi, genocide-wracked Rwanda, and other broken places all over the world. Dandelion School describes her work transforming a school in Beijing, and how the methods she learned in North Philadelphia can be applied universally.

- Stephan Salisbury

Awards weekend wonderments

Can you love Kirsten Dunst enough for getting Best Actress at Cannes for the Lars Von Trier flick Melancholia? No, you cannot! . . . At them Billboard Awards Sunday, first Justin Bieber wins everything (Digital Artist of the Year, Top New Artist - wait, hasn't he been around since, like, 1957? - and Fan Favorite), and then he gets a kiss from gf Selena Gomez. How can this be fair? Or hygienic? Taylor Swift gets glitter-trophies; Beyoncé gets Artist of the Millennium and Queen of the Galactic Starship Shocktroops or whatever. Britney Spears and redhead Rihanna performed, and shared a forbidden kiss at the end, because you have to now. Nicki Minaj, Eminem, U2, they were all there. Note: These music people do not know how to dress. . . . Reba McEntire and Jean Shepard and songwriter Bobby Braddock joined the Country Music Hall of Fame Sunday night. Garth Brooks, Vince Gill, Miranda Lambert, and Blake Shelton performed. We liked seeing George Jones up there, inducting Shepard and serenading Braddock - the first in the new songwriters category.

Trial marriage, not a long haul

Escape hatch! That's what Ashton Kutcher has in his Two and a Half Men contract with CBS. See, the world was having a prolapse about "Ashton replacing Charlie Sheen and that," but the contract is only for a year, no long-term thing, so if either Ashton or The Big Eye isn't feeling it, he or it can bolt. Ashton will join Holland Taylor, Angus T. Jones, and Jon Cryer on the Men set at $750K per episode and see how it goes.

Palin tell-all based on 10K e-mails

We live for tell-all, dirt-dishin' blah-blah books, and now a former sycophant of Sarah Palin's inner circle has written one. This guy Frank Bailey worked for her from 2006 through her epic fail in the 2008 national elections. He says the inspirational speaker was rarin' to quit as Alaska governor a long time before she actually did. OK, true, not especially juicy. The interesting bit: He says he based Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin: A Memoir of Our Tumultuous Years on tens of thousands of e-mails he says he kept during his time with Palin. The Alaska attorney general's office says it's investigating whether that's legal. We hope not, because then there could be more trouble!

And he really can play the banjo

Steve Martin and banjo and band the Steep Canyon Rangers will perform from the U.S. Capitol's West Lawn during the annual A Capitol Fourth concert on July 4. Who else? Well, ya got Josh Groban, Little Richard, Glee star Matthew Morrison, and American Idol winner Jordin Sparks. Steve M says he's written a new tune for the occasion, "Me & Paul Revere," which talks about Revere's famous ride from his horse's perspective. Sounds pretty funny. Jimmy Smits will host.

Big stories in the fine print

We were headbroken, or housebroken, to learn that Bar Rafaeli and Leo DiCaprio had split, but now they're waging war via paparazzi photos. Bar has been barin' her bod all over the South of France, and Leo has been promenadin' with Blake Lively in Portofino. . . . Sean Puff Daddy P. Diddy Combs or whatever just got over the flu, and to celebrate, he is changing his name - for the next week only - to Swag. OK. . . . He even opened a Twitter account, @iamswag. First tweet: "I AM SWAG. #SWAG RT. TO THE WORLD!!" Must be official. . . . Evangeline Lilly (Lost) just gave birth to a son. The father is her bf., Norman Kali, a production assistant on the ABC hit show. . . . Oh, yeah? Well, I can have a baby too, says David Schwimmer (Friends). He and Zoe Buckman welcomed their first daughter, Cleo, on May 8. . . . Will someone please stop this man? We refer, of course, to crooner-boy and compulsive serial marryer Michael Bublé, who keeps on marrying his wife, Luisana Lopilato, again and again. They first got hitched at some country place in Argentina, where she's from, and repeated the deed days later in Buenos Aires. And now a third time in Vancouver over the weekend! The whole thing's so cute we may have to ban them from "SideShow." . . . Former Kiss guitarist Vincent Cusano - also known as Vinnie Vincent - he took Ace Frehley's place in the band - was arrested and booked on a charge of domestic assault in Rutherford County, Tenn., Sunday. Four dead dogs reportedly were found at the scene. . . . Michael Lohan, meantime, pleaded not guilty Monday in a Beverly Hills court to a misdemeanor charge of inflicting injury on his ex, Kate Major. His trial starts July 5. . . .Why would you do this? Pose nude at 58, we mean? After you'd already done it once, at the sprightly, springy age of 42? Ask Patti Reagan Davis, daughter of president Ronald Reagan. She whipped it all off for Playboy in 1994, and now she's starkers in the newest ish of More. Davis says that after nearly killing herself with unwise habits, she's been hitting the gym big time. The only part of her body she doesn't like? "I'm quite upset with my elbows," she informs the world. The horror! The horror!

This article contains information from Inquirer wire services and websites. Contact "Sideshow" at sideshow@phillynews.com.