Q: My wife and I have been married for more than 15 years. We get along very well together. But the problem is I still get very nervous about having sex. Back in high school I used to get teased in the locker room about having a small sex organ. I am still strongly affected by this. My wife thinks I must be normal or close to it and insists she enjoys making love, but I'm the only man she's been with. It still looks small to me. It seems like if this was an irrational fear, it would have just gone away by now.
Steve: If irrational fears went away, they wouldn't be irrational. This issue has come up often over the years. I find that many women are amused by the male obsession with size. What they tell me is, to quote from that great old 1950s R&B group The Swallows, "It ain't the meat, it's the motion."
Mia: I haven't met a man who doesn't secretly wish he was Long Dong Silver. Unless you're pencil-sized, you're probably just fine. Whatever happened to you in high school is ancient history. Let it go. If you can't, get therapy. There's no sense letting the past wreck your present.
Q: My fiance and I have been together for three years and are planning a wedding. We are in our early 30s. My fiance is loving and caring, but also a womanizer of sorts and does things that really upset me. I don't believe he cheats on me, but his actions toward other women make me feel that he loves me and every other women out there. When I confront him about it, he says that I am imagining things. Every time he does something, it makes me feel very distant to the point that I do not want to have sex with him. He says that I am ruining our relationship. He just doesn't get it! I am so scared to leave this relationship, but cannot live with a man who won't take responsibility for his actions. I suggested counseling to him, but he just laughed at me. Can you help?
Mia: Fast-forward five years. The fairy-tale wedding is over. You have a little one at home and are pregnant with baby No. 2. Your fiance is now your husband and he's still up to his usual tricks. You've watched him flirt with the next-door neighbor and you suspect he's got something going on with a lady at work. None of your friends will listen to you complain about him because they're tired of hearing it. Is this the life you want? The brave thing to do is to put the brakes on your wedding plans until you feel more sure about your fiance. You might lose some deposits now, but you'll be saving yourself from heartache in the future.