Sideshow: Pitt declares it: Gay marriage for all

The gay marriage debate is settled, once and for all, America!

Brad Pitt

, 47, has spoken.

"It is each American's constitutional right to marry the person they love, no matter what state they inhabit," Pitt tells People after the recent legalization of same-sex marriage in New York state.

Christopher Mitchell

, for one, is heartbroken by the shocking news that

Daniel Craig

, 43, and

Rachel Weisz

, 41, have tied the ultimate knot in an ultimately covert, super-secret ceremony.

Mitchell is the father of Satsuki, 32, a producer who was supposed to become Mrs. Daniel Craig.

"His sudden marriage came out of nowhere," Mitchell tells London's Daily Mail. Satsuki was dumped last November and has "only just reached a happy place," her dad says. She's still wounded: She "doesn't mention [Craig's] name now and tells me off if I do."

Weisz also leaves a former fiance in her wake: Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky, whom she left over Christmas.

The 19th annual ESPY Awards, which honor sports achievements, will feature celeb presenters including

Emmanuelle Chriqui

,

Chris Evans

,

Cee Lo Green

,

Rachel Nichols

,

Ryan Reynolds

, and

Serena Williams

.

Raphael Saadiq

will sing tunes.

Seth Meyers

hosts the July 13 extravaganza, which will be shown on ESPN.

Teenage dude

Eduard Saakashvili

, 15, whose pop happens to be Georgian President

Mikheil Saakashvili

, has set the Guinness world record for the fastest time to type the alphabet on Apple's iPad, Bloomberg News reports. Eduard typed the ABCs in 5.26 seconds, beating the previous record by 1.05 seconds. There's a bright future for this lad.

Vamps have been repurposed, most lucratively, for hormone-addled teens, so why not recycle the toothy ones for the lil' ones?

Variety says Sony is producing a fanged animated family comedy called Hotel Transylvania, which will feature Adam Sandler as the voice of Dracula. Other stars include Kevin James as Frankenstein, Fran Drescher as Frankie's Bride, and David Spade as Quasimodo.

Philly station WPHL-TV (Channel 17) will celebrate the 30th anniversary of

Dancin' on Air

(and

Dance Party USA

's 25th) by airing four back-to-back episodes of the original

Dancin' on Air

starting at 8 p.m. on July 23. Info:

» READ MORE: www.dancinonair.com

or

» READ MORE: www.myphl17.com

.

Boy band fever in Sin City over the holiday weekend:

New Kids on the Block

,

Backstreet Boys

, and

98 Degrees

all converged on Vegas. New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys, who put on a concert in town, bought post-show candy at Sugar Factory at Paris Las Vegas Sunday night. BSBs'

Nick Carter

and

Howie Dorough

dug the black and blue Couture Pops, a news release notes, which added, "The pair couldn't resist sampling Sugar Factory's scrumptious gelato."

FX has paid $ (& probably more $) to secure the commercial TV rights to

Michael Bay

's barnstormer

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

, which has grossed "a staggering $416 mil globally" since opening last Wednesday, says Variety. . . . Comics across the country are sharpening their tongues ('n' claws) for a unique television event: A no-holds-barred Roast of that

Ninja Numskull

himself,

Charlie Sheen

, Sept. 10 in Lalaland. It'll be telecast on Comedy Central Sept. 19. "You could say I've been providing kindling for this roast for a while," Charlie tells USAToday.com. . . . Vanity Fair's

Justin Bieber

-cover issue from February is likely to become the mag's worst-selling ish in 12 years, Women's Wear Daily says. Surely it's not Justin's fault!

Or is it?

. . .

Paris Hilton

fan

James Rainford

, who pleaded guilty to battery in April for attacking Paris' then-bedmate

Cy Waits

, was arrested Monday peeping into Paris' Malibu house. . . . USA Today reports that

Eminem

has become the first artist to sell 1 million digitally downloaded copies of an album in the United States, with 2010's

Recovery

.

The Popped! Music Festival, a two-day orgy of music headlined by

the Shins

,

Pretty Lights

,

Cage the Elephant

,

Girl Talk

,

DJ ?uestlove

,

Yuck

,

Tennis

, and

Joy Formidable

, will take place Sept. 23 and 24 at Philly's FDR Park. Single-day tix ($59.50 each day) go on sale Friday. Info 1-800-745-8000; or

» READ MORE: www.poppedphiladelphia.com

.

"My love for my gay fans is just pure, authentic love for them as supporters of me from the beginning, and me feeling connected to their struggles as someone who is a part of their fight," says

Lady Gaga

in a chat with the Advocate.

"If I have to fill out a form that asks what race I am, I check both boxes," biracial mega-self-loving hero

Lenny Kravitz

tells Details mag.

Publishing and advert news site AdAge.com reports that the New York Times is selling antique copies of the Declaration of Independence Broadside, printed in July 1776 in Salem, Mass., for $1.6 mil. Got the spare change? Call 1-800-782-9945.