Tattle: Pix that would make her mom Scarlett

TODAY is a banner day for lovers of the female form. Naked photos of Scarlett Johansson have leaked to the Internet. The two photos, one of a topless Johansson lying in bed and another of her famed derriere, are the product of a phone-hacking.

The FBI is on the case, which is standard procedure when nudie photos are leaked (Vanessa Hudgens and Jessica Alba, for example) because the crime is associated with phone-hacking.

Before you get all "These were oh-so faked," like many in-the-buff celebrity shots, documented photos of Johansson's bedroom have the same wallpaper as the background in these shots.

We believe this is a total invasion of privacy, but the best way not to have naked pictures leaked for the millions of leering eyes on the Internet? Don't take them. And, frankly, if you must have nude photos, pay someone to adjust the lighting.

The goddess-like Johansson will next be seen on screen (presumably with her clothes on) in Cameron Crowe's "We Bought a Zoo," featuring Matt Damon, in theaters Dec. 23. The trailer was released yesterday. Coincidence? Yes.

Former "Real Housewife of D.C." Michaele Salahi flew the coop and has shacked up with Journey guitarist Neal Schon, according to TMZ, but not without giving her current hubs, Tareq Salahi a minor heart attack first. He ran to TMZ, claiming his wife was kidnapped.

The Salahis, probably more famous for gate-crashing a White House party than appearing on the Bravo reality show, last saw each other at 11 a.m. Monday, when, Tareq said, he left for their winery and she was scheduled to be at a hair salon. But Michaele never showed up for her appointment, he said.

Tareq said he didn't hear from Michaele until he received a phone call from an unknown Oregon number. Michaele said that she was visiting her mother. But, according to Tareq, Michaele's mother had no knowledge of the planned visit. Deservedly flipping out, Tareq then called the Warren County Sheriff's Department, who curiously said that Michaele had already called them, that she was fine and was dealing with "family issues."

Tareq wasn't satisfied and said he was convinced that Michaele is being forced to make the calls by an abductor. Something's go to be up because who calls the cops in advance to tell them they're OK?

Crazy Michaele Salahi, that's who. She ran off to Memphis to be with former beau Schon, who is currently on tour with his band and Foreigner.

"Nobody kidnapped her and they are in Memphis together," Schon's rep told TMZ, referring to Michaele and Schon's former dalliances as an "intimate and passionate relationship."

Charlie Sheen has admitted to Matt Lauer that the whole tiger blood/warlock assassin business was a little silly. "It was one of those things where the planets were aligned, perfectly or imperfectly. I said some stuff and then it caught such traction globally and instantly that I couldn't really put out the fire," said Sheen to "The Today Show" host. "I had to keep fueling it." Sheen talked to Lauer presumably to publicize his Comedy Central roast that airs Monday at 10 p.m., the same day that the revamped version of his former stomping grounds, "Two and a Half Men," premieres on CBS, with his replacment Ashton Kutcher.