Lindsay Lohan

's

Marilyn Monroe

-ish Playboy pictorial should not be interpreted as yet another example of how

The Man

's phallocentric hegemony crushes innocence. Nor is it a cynical ploy for attention by a star turned tabloid punch line.

It's an act of empowerment, baby.

"Sex and sexuality are a part of nature, and I go along with nature," Lohan, 25, tells the mag. "It's a very male-dominated world . . . so knowing yourself and being comfortable with your body is an important thing." Simone de Lohan's consciousness-raising striptease also includes an admission that she's made bad life choices

"Because you only live once," she says, "you have to learn from your mistakes, live your dreams, and be accountable."

Meanwhile, TMZ says LiLo's $5,000 Chanel purse was stolen Saturday in Hawaii, where the thesp is taking a break.

'New Year's Eve' tops box office

Garry Marshall'

s dramedy

New Year's Eve

is atop the box office charts this weekend, hauling in $13.7 mil, according to studio estimates.

Jonah Hill

's adult laugher

The Sitter

is at No. 2 with $10 mil, while

Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

is at No. 3 with $7.9 mil. Paltry sums! Hollywood.com says it's the lowest weekend total at the box office since September '08.

Brooke Mueller to rehab? With gun?

TMZ claims that

Charlie Sheen

's ex,

Brooke Mueller

, who was busted last week for cocaine possession, is making preparations to enter rehab once more. Does shooting guns help? Seems Brooke was spied at an L.A. gun range Saturday.

Tidbits 'n' pieces

Michael Jackson

's daughter,

Paris

, 13, has landed her first movie role. She'll co-star with

Love Boat

's

Ted Lange

in the fantasy

Lundon's Bridge and the Three Keys

. . . .

Khloe Kardashian

is sad she has to move to Dallas now that NBA hub

Lamar Odom

has been traded to the Dallas Mavericks. "Life is not always fair," she tweets. "Sometimes you get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow." Creepy image. . . . Readers of Men's Health mag have voted

Jennifer Aniston

, 42, "Sexiest Woman of All Time." Really? Since the beginning of time itself?!

Lilith

is spitting mad,

Eve

has filed suit.

This article contains information from Inquirer wire services. Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com.