DEAR ABBY:

I never had a desire to have kids. I married "Harry," who had four, and did my duty being with them on holidays, birthdays and vacations. I never enjoyed it, and I have always been honest regarding my feelings about babysitting.

Now that Harry's children are grown and have children of their own, they think my husband and I should give up our weekends and holidays to babysit their children. Harry and I have had several serious arguments about this.

I have told his kids I do not want to watch their children. Harry will tell me at the last minute that one of them is being dropped off because the father and his girlfriend are going out. When the grandchild arrives, Harry disappears because he doesn't want to be bothered.

I have looked forward to the day I'd no longer have to share my down time with kids. I love Harry, but this is causing me major grief.

- Nearing Wits' End in N.J.

DEAR NEARING WITS' END: What I think is that you are being taken advantage of, and it will continue as long as you allow it, however unwillingly. The next time Harry informs you at the last minute that a grandchild is being dropped off, grab your coat and purse and tell him you are going shopping, visiting a friend, seeing a movie or anything else that will get you out of the house.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old man. Many people tell me I look much younger because I have my hair colored professionally, and have done so for 16 years to at the request of my kids, who have friends with younger parents.

Now friends make comments about me not having any gray hair at my age. So, what do I say?

- To Dye or Not to Dye

DEAR T.D.O.N. T. D.: Many men have their hair professionally colored these days and others do it themselves at home. It is nothing to be ashamed of. However, since you are beginning to feel self-conscious, it may be time to show a little gray.