Sideshow: Gerry, you're a Russian now

Last month, Russia's President

Vladimir V. Putin

announced that French master-thesp

Gérard Depardieu

, 64, could rest his remarkable soul and soulful proboscis on Russian soil anytime he wanted.

His offer was real: The Kremlin on Thursday said the actor had been granted Russian citizenship. Zut alors!

Depardieu, who has starred in every single French movie since 1967 (he has 196 acting credits on IMDB.com), has expressed contempt for his nation's high taxes. Last month, he renounced his French citizenship and registered as a resident of Belgium, reports the New York Times.

Putin has tried to put a cultural spin on his move to bring Depardieu to Russia.

"The thing is that Depardieu has been a part of large film projects [in Russia] and has acted many parts, including the part of Rasputin," Putin said, before admitting that the film Rasputin, about the so-called mad monk, has never been shown in Russia.

The actor has yet to comment.

Two-time

Dancing With the Stars

champ and movie star

Julianne Hough

says she was abused beginning at age 10, when she studied at the prestigious London dance school Italia Conti Academy of Theatre Arts.

"While I was in London, I was abused, mentally, physically, everything," Hough, 24, tells Cosmopolitan's February issue.

Hough says she was taught to project a sexual image as a dancer. "But my heart was the same, and I was this innocent little girl. I wanted so much love." Hough refuses to name names. "I'm a very forgiving person, and I don't want to hurt anybody," Hough says. "What's past is past."

Who in their right minds would do such a thing? Rydal hero

Bradley Cooper

, 37, and his scintillating gf, Passaic native

Zoë Yadira Saldaña Nazario

, 34, have called it quits after a year, says the New York Post. Zoë dumped bf of 11 years

Keith Britton

shortly before taking up with B-Coop.

Kim Kardashian

, who reportedly had an $18 million payday from her wedding to

Kris Humphries

, stands to make a hefty profit when she puts her unborn baby to work. The New York Daily News says K's "momager,"

Kris Jenner

, is already auctioning off to the glossies the first shots of Kim's bare, rounded, months-pregnant baby bump-to-come. A Source tells the News they're likely to fetch north of $300,000. To be fair, Kim says she'll keep baby off the

Kardashian Kabal

's reality show for the first few months of its life.

Kanye West

and his baby's mama,

Kim Kardashian

, make the most amazing, wonderful and lovely couple and will be the world's best parents, her bff

Jonathan Cheban

tells Hollyscoop: "I really love [Kanye]. . . . I actually can't imagine anybody else for her." Meanwhile,

A Source

tells People that the couple, who rocked in 2013 in Sin City, are back in L.A., where they were spied going out on a date to see romantic comedy

Django Unchained

! Isn't that special?

Dancing With the Stars

alum

Bristol Palin

has obtained a temporary restraining order against a Texas resident named

Michael Cummings

, 39, who allegedly showed up at

Sarah Palin

's Alaska home last week as the family celebrated Bristol's son

Tripp

's fourth b-day. Bristol, 22, says Cummings recently sent her a marriage proposal and a ring with a note saying, "I you."

Jennifer Lopez

knows who she is.

"I'm a singer. I'm a dancer. I'm a performer. I'm an actress," J.Lo, 43, tells Harper's Bazaar's February issue. J.Lo, whose twins Max and Emme turn 5 next month, admits she travels with a large entourage of hair and makeup artists, bodyguards, a trainer, tour manager, and, of course, her manager-pal, Benny Medina. "I like the whole idea of traveling, of looking good, and doing it well," she says. "I make it as simple and as beautiful as I can because my life is kind of big."

Creators and stars of FX's animated spy spoof series

Archer

will face off with fans for a Q&A at Theatre of Living Arts on Jan. 11 at noon. On hand will be creator and voice actor

Adam Reed

, exec producer

Matt Thompson

, and half a dozen other cast members including

H. Jon Benjamin

(Agent Sterling Archer), the stupendous

Aisha Tyler

(Agent Lana Kane),

Jessica Walter

(Sterling's mom Malory Archer), and

Chris Parnell

(Cyril Figgis). For tix, visit

» READ MORE: www.ticketmaster.com

.

Youngster

Taylor Swift

's new LP,

Red

, has spent a seventh nonconsecutive week at No. 1 on the Billboard album chart, selling 225,000, according to Nielsen SoundScan. The

Les Misérables

film soundtrack is at No. 2 with 136,000, while

One Direction

's

Take Me Home

takes third place with 120,000.

Meanwhile, Adele's 21 has become America's best-selling album for two years in a row. In 2011, it sold 5.82 mil copies, and it sold 4.41 mil more last year.