Why pay for family Thanksgiving dinner?

DEAR ABBY: My family is having a Thanksgiving conundrum. My uncle and his wife have offered to host the holiday. My uncle hesitated about having it because he recently lost his job. My grandmother decided that each couple should chip in $50 to pay for the dinner. (The total amount will be $300.) We will all make and bring dishes with us as well. Their children are not being asked to pay anything.

My grandmother thinks this is a good idea because it would cost us more than $50 to go out to dinner for Thanksgiving, but some of us think it's odd that we're being charged to attend our family's dinner. No one else in the family is able or willing to host, so the only other option would be going to a restaurant. Any thoughts?

- Turkey Troubles in Philadelphia

DEAR TURKEY TROUBLES: Just this - pay up! And while you're offering thanks at the dinner table, be grateful that the person in need of financial help this holiday season isn't you. 

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a good person, but she never wants to be around us or our children. She lives only 30 minutes away, has only one child (my husband) and has been widowed for more than five years. She has never called our house, didn't visit when the kids were born and usually mails gift cards at birthdays and Christmas.

My own mother died a few months ago. Our kids are almost 13 and 10, so they're not babies anymore. I try to reach out to her, but she is cold and not responsive. What else can I do?

- No Grandma in Austin, Texas

DEAR NO GRANDMA: What does your husband think about this? Has his mother always been this way? Could the problem be that she dislikes you or is disappointed in her son?

There is no way to force a connection on someone who is unwilling, and I'm not sure you would even want to. It appears your mother-in-law isn't maternal and prefers her independence. I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt, but if you crave closeness with an older woman, you will have to look elsewhere to find it.