HERE'S a courtroom case so oddball it sounds like an episode of "Boston Legal."

In a criminal trial in Naples, Italy, of a Chinese man accused of counterfeiting cartoon characters, summonses to appear in court were sent to Titti, Paperino, Paperina and Topolino, known here in the U.S. as Tweety Bird, Donald Duck, Daisy Duck and Mickey Mouse.

The characters (aka the damaged parties) were supposed to appear in court on Friday, but, shockingly, were no-shows. Did the judge dispatch Wile E. Coyote to get them?

Instead of naming only the companies and their lawyers, clerks also wrote in the witness list the names of the characters that decorated the toys and gadgets the man had reproduced, said Fiorenza Sorotto, vice president of Disney Company Italia.

"Unfortunately they cannot show up, as they are residents of Disneyland," Sorotto joked to the Associated Press.

"Let's hope the characters will not be prosecuted for failing to appear," Disney lawyer Cristina Ravelli quipped.

Warner Bros. had no comment.

"Th-th-th-that's all, folks!"

Tina Fey '30 Rocks' Playboy

Tina Fey may be on strike with the Writers Guild, much to the dismay of "30 Rock" fans, but you can get a big dose of the Upper Darby native in the January Playboy, which, of course, comes out in December.

On the biggest difference between Fey and her character on "30 Rock," Liz Lemon: "There are two big differences between Liz and me. One is that apparently my character's jugs are a lot bigger."

On bulimia and drugs: "I never tried any drugs. I may as well get it in print, so years from now when my daughter is reading back issues of Playboy, which I'm sure she will do, she will know her mother was drug- and bulimia-free. And here's the other thing. How can I articulate this properly? When I was growing up, to have a good body you actually had to have a good body. You know what I mean? You had your shape, and whatever your God-given shape was, that was your shape. But now - and this is what these young Hollywood ladies seem to do - even if you don't have a great body, you can lose a lot of weight and get superskinny, get a fake tan and fake tits, and you're in the game. Just get super-duper skinny. Some women are the real deal, like Jessica Alba. She has an amazing, gorgeous body. But for some of these other chicks, the closest they can get to a body like that is to remove everything that's there and add a little something on top. It's like the ladies you see in Playboy."

Her theory on the way standards of beauty have changed: "I don't want to seem like a bad guest, but I have a few gentle theories. If you look back at old Playboy's from the 1960s and 1970s, the Playmates represented the girl next door, and some of them had maybe - different-size boobies, perhaps with brown nipples or large areolas. There were even ladies with their actual hair or with hair that wasn't blonde. I just take personal offense. Really, you would be so disgusted to f--- a brunette? It would make you sick? [laughs] It's the Joyce De-Witt part of it. I remember as a little kid watching 'Three's Company' and thinking, Oh man, that's who is representing us? C'mon, can't Jaclyn Smith be the brunette? Joyce DeWitt was cute, but they gave her a bowl cut and made her wear a football jersey and panty hose. That look was rough. So yeah, I guess you could write all this off as jealousy."

* In a barely related item, at the Costume National 21 Book party (at the Costume National store in NYC) Willem Dafoe told Tattle's Baird Jones, "My first job as a teenager was as a binder of Penthouse and Hustler magazines. It sounds exciting but actually it was just a typical Midwestern factory job. Everything just went by in a constant flow of magazine pages and binding. I did not look at the pictures, not even one. It could just as easily have been National Geographic and Popular Mechanics. There was nothing erotic to it at all."


* Rumor has it that when Will Smith dashed in and out of Philadelphia recently for his "60 Minutes" piece, he stayed at the luxurious new presidential suite at the Sofitel (17th and Sansom).

Hey, if it's good enough for Marian Anderson Award winner Richard Gere . . .

The jumbo suite, with a shower nearly the size of Tattle's apartment, has three giant rooms and a bathroom that features a plasma TV over the jacuzzi.

The rack rate? Only $2,000 per night. And though we doubt you'll find the suite on Priceline for $69, who pays the rack rate?

(Mention Tattle and get 60 cents off.)

* reports that Dennis Quaid and wife Kimberly Buffington are suing Baxter Healthcare, the makers of the drug Heparin, which almost killed their newborn twins, Zoe Grace and Thomas Boone.

The twins were accidentally given a massive overdose of the anti-coagulant drug last month, in part because the 10-unit bottle looks ridiculously like the 10,000-unit bottle.

TMZ says three Indiana children died from a similar mix-up.

Why not just put baby aspirin in the same bottle as morphine?

That's a long joke

Dave Chappelle has broken his own Laugh Factory endurance record.

Chappelle topped his record of six hours and seven minutes, set in mid-April, by taking to the stage Sunday and telling jokes for six hours and 12 minutes.

Club owner Jamie Masada said, "Dave was determined to keep his record because he recently heard that Dane Cook was planning on trying to break [his] record."

Dane Cook? So the jokes don't have to actually be funny? *

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

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